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A Comfortable Conundrum

The thermostat arrow has been brushing 90 degrees for nearly a week in my house. Under the rising temps of the Tennessee summer sun, I was informed the air conditioning compressor broke. I am hot and my temper is infuriated with each passing minute inside these walls. It feels like a furnace of frustration stewing in a sauna of a waiting room.

I’m convinced the devil is turning up the heat so I won’t be able to write in the comfort of my own home. So during the day, I uproot to a Starbucks lounge to pen out my manuscript. It’s a huge hassle because I have not mastered the art of packing light.

Today I arrived home to find my air conditioning was finally fixed! I swung the door open and a blast of cool air sent a greeting right back. What a great way to come home. I dropped everything and explored the other rooms. The vents were all blowing cold air. I fixed a snack and unpacked my bags. This is the time, right after work, I had scheduled to sit down and write, so I open up my computer. Before long, I find myself running on rabbit trails of distractions; ‘I should pay my electric bill first’, ‘I need to cancel my membership to that company before I forget’, ‘I need to text my sister real quick’, ‘let me check my email to see if I got those tickets yet’. Ugh.

I realized in all this that maybe what I thought to be the devil in disguise was actually God’s hand shielding me from the center of getting comfortable. When I’m comfortable, I don’t do my best work. I begin to relax into the work and get lazy when I’m comfortable. The point that my workouts stop being effective is when I become comfortable with exercise.

Living a life of purpose is rarely comfortable. Perhaps when the heat is up, I am right where God wants me… chasing my passion down with determination to fight the fire and complete what my Author has written with this heart.

God, open my eyes to see the beauty of your hand instead of looking for the blame. You are the strength behind the work of these hands. Steal the show, Jesus, with the words You have yet to write through these hands. To You be the glory God, who is able, through your mighty power at work within me, to accomplish infinitely more than I might ask or even think. (Ephesians 3:20) Amen.

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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I stepped in with caution and looked to my left. There she was, one of my deepest of friends, waiting patiently with her chin resting in her hands propped up on the table. She jumped up with delight as the smile spread across her face and came running toward the door, thrusting her arms around my neck. Still faint from the journey, my fragile shoulders raised to exchange an embrace. We burst into an explosion of conversation before the coffee was even poured. Stepping up to the register, I hear a familiar voice in the background from behind another counter, ‘hey girl! where have you been?’

Take a trip from home and it isn’t long before we realize how often we take these friendly exchanges for granted. What pleasure can be found in a familiar face and these cordial greetings. The joy is incomparable when we’re in a place where everybody knows your name.

The following day, I attended a work meeting informing leadership about the current state of our scope of work and the projection of where we’re heading. My interest peaked when a fact revealed that many who are homeless or low income visit emergency rooms only because they are lonely and have no one else to talk to. They’re understanding is that it’s a place where someone knows their name and will listen.

The next day while at a luncheon, I met a woman who answers suicide and crisis calls in her line of work. I asked how she handles these situations and if it takes long to take people down from their emotions. She responded, “Really, I just listen most of the time. They are calling because they want someone to just listen and that’s what I’m there for.” She hears repeat callers from time to time because they now know someone will be there when they call.

What if the only place you had to turn for a friend was the ER or a crisis line? Perhaps we already feel this way. We live in a society that is subconsciously disconnecting from each other daily through social media, refraining from exposing too much of the soul, in fear this vulnerability would reveal something we are insecure and ashamed of in ourselves. When emergency strikes, the proverbial veil on this mask we all wear (to some degree) lifts as the beauty of honesty and a naked soul is uncovered. It is in a state of crisis that we reach out and find a friend in anyone who will listen. Are we all just living in a state of emergency?

Before I left for my trip, I stocked up on 30 packets of EmergenC, because I knew I was going into some rough territory, would be in close quarters with people on the plane and in trains, and could possibly be exhausted from the adventures each day. Each morning, I poured 1,000mg of Vitamin C into a glass of water, swallowed the solution and ran out the door. I was resting in my knowledge that a healthy body could keep an emergency away.

There’s no packet of powder you can take that will fill the void of a friend, a familiar face or a listening ear. These are irreplaceable gifts. You are irreplaceable because to someone you are a friend, you are familiar, you are an ear. Emergencies bring panic, fear, tension, and tears. Our Creator didn’t create us to live in a state of daily crisis, this is why He gave us community. Who do you need to reach out to today; maybe just to listen to, maybe just to be a familiar face? Let’s vow to stop this state of living in emergency and be a friend to everyone.

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The Pleasure of A Pastime

I have returned from an extended trip to Italy, where I set out to seek God’s insight and reflections about a book I’ve been toiling over for many months. As the mornings rolled on, the straps of my backpack seemed like a smooth sling over my dainty shoulders, as I dipped my head to catch the belt of my bag crossing over my body. Each day was an adventure in search of the Author’s words for me. Chapters unfolded under the Florentine sculptures, the Tuscan sunsets and the towering rocks of Rome. I was encouraged by breathtaking brushstrokes, sounds of authentic instrumentals, sweet aromas lingering in the air, and the grand nature magnificent mountains, sublime statutes, and impressive ocean waves.

I have gleaned much about life, my life, that I hope to share with you over the following days. It was interesting and no happenstance I believe, that just before I took this trip, I was plagued with a triple threat; strep throat, bronchitus and pneumonia. The enemy was surely at work to prevent me from this ordained trip.

One important lesson I learned from the Italians is the art of enjoying each other. Rarely do they abide by schedules or spin the wheels of their life around work. In fact, everything closes down from 12:30pm – 3:30pm and the entire country takes a nap or leisurely converses over coffee to calm down during the day.

This was pure pleasure for a people person like me. I found myself in smiles, striking up conversations with anyone I rubbed shoulders with. What a joy to hear tales of their journeys! It was in this moment I realized that the satisfaction I lack in the States is derivative of the selfishness I make my life out to be. My Monday through Friday consists of an office job, home, on a good day there’s also the gym/park, and every Tuesday I grab coffee with a girlfriend. Usually I save all other bonding opportunities for the weekend; by that time my soul is parched from being deserted all week.

I think we all may deeply be longing daily to connect, yet somehow don’t see people as a priority, like our jobs and home life. We mistake our schedules and career as the key to happiness, as if ‘getting ahead’ will end the disappointments and solve the deeper longing in our soul.

Before I set out for this cross country trip, my cell phone service mistakenly shut off my service. Remember those days before technology shrunk our communication to 140 characters? Those pastimes are over, but I can’t help but think about how happy my memories are of leisure afternoons, uninhibited by the demands we have created.

No wonder I struggle sometimes with a solitary life! I’ve made my days all about me instead of including others. What would happen to my heart if I made more of an effort to choose connection with others as much as I choose to show up at my job? Perhaps if I choose daily to make my life about others, the pleasure I will experience is the peace that satisfies these longings that plague my heart.

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Begin Again

There’s a message that’s been murmuring in my thoughts and trailing under the point of my pen over the last month and it’s this very simple phrase; Begin Again.

When I fall off the scales in a heaping bowl of ice cream and have no excuse like exercise to fall back on… it’s time to begin again. When I find the days flying by with fleeting to-do’s yet little that remains lasting… it’s time to begin again. When I dedicate the better half of a month to achieving a goal and wake up on day 30 to realize I fell off the bandwagon a quarter of the way through… it’s time to begin again. When anxiety consumes my mind with worry and shame sets in for the hurts I’ve caused… it’s time to begin again!

The other night God woke me in a dream. I had been in a room with glass along one wall and there was a door that led to a patio, which overlooked the world. I was in the room looking for something. I don’t know specifically what I was searching for but I had a sense it wasn’t good and that I’d been doing this for awhile… years maybe. While in this room looking under a bed, God said to me, ‘how long?’ I asked Him, ‘what do you mean?’ He said, ‘how long have you been holding on?’

I realized in that moment I had spent years searching, proving, trying to figure out the past, the mistakes, the regrets, instead of opening the glass door into something new, with a view, of the world. Just through the door were opportunities I had been passing by because I was choosing to stay inside, searching for the ‘pain’, which I’m sure over time had become comfortable and a part of me.

After months of troubling prayers for deliverance, God was showing me the door has always been there. It’s time to get up off my knees, stop the search party and the incessant prayers, and actually walk through the grace He’s already provided and just… begin again.

God, oh my gracious God, you are always good to us. Forgive me Father, for feeling like you’ve been holding back good things and a way out. I feel very elementary in my faith when I reflect on your Word and wonder ‘how in the world did I miss the door?’ Help me to trust you God, as I walk by the light of Your Word. Open my eyes and ears Lord, that I may be reminded of your provision in my past each time I look for you in the future. You are remarkable. Incredible. Awesome in all that You are. I am so blessed to know you as my Father. Thank you God.

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A New Life

This week my heart has been heavy and burdened with unbearable pain for my sister and brother-in-law as they grieve the loss of their baby. I don’t know how parents endure such anguish; I have been so distraught for words. This tragedy falling on the same week we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus; God’s only son. The crushing uncanny sorrow and grief numbed my heart to feel anything at all.IMG_3286

This morning I brought my burdens with me to the sanctuary and with arms stretched wide, I found sweet surrender in worship of our Saviour King. Freedom found me and overwhelmed this soul. My heart basking in the warmth of His light as it shined brightly on my face and flooded everything in me. The pure, all-consuming love of Christ laid all the agony to rest.

Though the storms stirred dust on the surface, every hope within me has been resting in the peace of God’s Spirit that’s remained standing securely in the depths of my soul. Though it seemed so much had changed, my God stayed the same! No wind or wave can ever waver the goodness and grace, the hope and joy, and the absolute sovereignty of my God. I stand amazed at the peace surpassing all understanding, dwelling deep inside.

He alone is good, and because of that, this beaten down heart has been delivered from the burdens of sin and the heartaches in this world.

Jesus, oh my Jesus! You alone are good. Enduring my pain on the cross, raised to life from the dead, you have conquered the grave and claimed victory as my valiant King, so that I may have a new life, free from the burdens of our fallen world. The gift you have given is beyond anything I could ever return; this sacrifice is unspeakable when I think upon your ways. Your unfailing love is unfathomable and yet, I’m asking for more to flood my heart, my mind, my ways… craft in me a new thing that honors You, my King. May this world experience the joy of your work in every breath I exhale, every word that’s delivered, with every beat of my heart, in every step that I take… to you be the glory, Jesus, forever and ever. Amen.

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What Fasting Is Really For

I have a confession to make. I don’t always write my blog posts in the same day or week. Once in a while I will sit behind the keys and pen out several posts at a time, as the Spirit flows through my fingers. And thank God for that because other times, I’ll stare at my screen wondering why a single thought doesn’t come to mind. Tonight, this is my second writing.

The last couple of years I’ve been working on regular fasting. During these prayer times, I began to notice thoughts about God effortlessly pouring out into my journal and blogs. It’s as if God’s thoughts became my thoughts and I transformed into a well seasoned writer, authored by the Spirit transcribing insights from the Heavens. Yet, when I wasn’t fasting, I seemed plagued with ‘writer’s block’. Writing on demand is different; convictions cause content to spill out into stories that move other people.

This all caused me to question the closeness of my relationship with God when I wasn’t fasting. My desire was to hear His ‘still, small voice’ all the time. So I thought if I could fast every Sunday, this would surely clear the queue of distractions and help draw my heart in a little closer. It became very stressful and sadly, I wasn’t retaining any depth from this one day.

I was having lunch with a girlfriend yesterday and mentioned my unfruitful efforts to fast, so that I could hear God’s whispers. I told her I had finally given up my frequent fasts because I felt they were becoming too forced and that perhaps my heart may have been trying to control God’s voice in my life. In this situation, stopping seemed like the best thing for me.

This morning God led me to Isaiah 58. I’m going to paraphrase: The Israelites were being pious, coming into the Temple every day, acting delighted to learn all about God. They pretended to want to be near God by saying ‘We have fasted before you! Why aren’t you impressed? We have been very hard on ourselves, and you don’t even notice it!’

Here’s what God said: “I will tell you why! It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves… You humble yourselves by going through the motions…  Do you really think this will please the Lord? This is the kind of fasting I want: Free those wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, remove the chains that bind people, share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.”

I-Yi-Yi! Yes, that spoke to me alright! The conviction cut like a double edged sword! I’ve been making this fast about me and my writing instead of allowing the freedom of the Spirit to flow in His timing. Instead of moving in my love for God by loving others, I had been more concerned about His work in me. Whew! Let me just tell you, I have been rolling this chapter over in my mind for several days since then.

I’m very thankful that God doesn’t give up on us, even when we’ve got it all wrong. He continues to feed us His word and draw us back to the heart of worship. What an amazing God, what a faithful Father. I am in awe at His goodness and generous grace that He lavishes upon a heart, even when it leans away from His desires. He lovingly calls out in His Word, pointing us in the direction we’ve been searching for all along. Thank you Lord.

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His Results Through Me Exceed My Expectations For Me

It’s late in the day and I’m determined to get one more mile in before the sun goes down. My muscles are a bit weak from medicines I’ve been taking, particularly my hips are throbbing with pain. I’m pretty sure they hate me as I strive for 10,000 steps a day; that’s what I was told is the minimum we should reach daily to stay healthy. I sit behind a desk most of the day, so I have to be very diligent about reaching this.

As I step up to the treadmill, I enter in a 9:30 pace/mile and pant for the first half before my body finds comfort in it’s stride. I’m nearing a mile and I hear His voice, ‘you can do it Trisha. One more mile. Faster this time.’ I’m not denying that I could do a little more, so I settle on running another half, increasing my pace to 8:57/mile. But He pushes me past my own boundary and says, ‘8:30’. I’m a bit taken aback, ‘Woh! That’s a minute off my time!’ But my hand reaches out to bump up the speed, believing and reciting ‘as long as you strengthen me, I know we can do this.’

The first half flew by and a thought came to mind, His results through me exceed my expectations for me. I didn’t set out to surpass any goals today; I had already hit my 10,000 steps after that first mile. It is quite often God squeezes more from me than I set out to accomplish; He presses my heart to greater heights than I think I can go. And it all strengthens my faith and trust that through Him anything is possible… anything! This has made me think about the goals I have for my life. I’ve heard it said before that if our goals don’t require God to show up in order for them to come to fruition, then we’re thinking too small.

We serve a loving Father who longs to be a part of our lives, a part of our story. Really, He longs to be the story, in and through us. Our minds underestimate the power of an Almighty God, who’s living and breathing Spirit is what strengthens every fiber carefully crafted and sown within us to do the impossible. I should have started out with a stronger goal in mind when I got to the gym earlier tonight. I should have set out to hit 8:30 for that mile. But thank God for His still, small voice that never leaves, and nudges when we’ve set our own expectations too low. Thank God His Spirit is there encouraging us that we were made for more!

Oh, my Lord, you are so faithful to continue speaking these truths in my life, never letting me settle for less than your best. I hear you on the sidelines cheering me on, saying ‘you can do it! You can do it!’ And then you jump in that race with me, leading the way, giving me focus on the prize that will come in the end. My God, you are so real and so wonderful. Thank you for your grace to continue believing in me, even when I’m tempted to settle for less. To you be the glory for any good that comes from this mortal body you’re training up. In the ever present name of Jesus, Amen.

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Accepting Imperfection

For years I’ve struggled with perfectionism, and unfortunately that prevents some things from actually being “complete(d)”.

My desire for perfection is not wrong. We were made for it! Perfect bodies, perfect relationships, perfect minds… It’s like something deep inside me keeps trying to find the perfection my soul looks for.

It’s not wrong to long for it; just wrong to expect it on earth. It can’t be found here. There is truly something wrong with everything!

One day perfection will come again (AMEN!).

Until then, I’ve since fired my inner critic and am trying to accept the earthly imperfections; which takes the burden off me. I am accepting who I am instead of who I wish I was, while accepting others as they are and the world as it is, instead of striving to put a stamp of perfection on them. Much joy and freedom has been found in my heart as the chains of perfection have been released.

God, you see the deepest parts of my heart; how I’ve allowed perfectionism to penetrate into my work and relationships and crowd out my joy. Cleanse my mind, sanctify my soul… May I instead become a girl of grace, a woman who reflects your joy for others to see. I can’t do it on my own. God, go deep inside me and do your work. May my heart find contentment in this acceptance, looking only to you as the Perfect One, my Father, Author and Creator. Craft on me a renewed sense of joy! In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.

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Love By Faith

The difficult part of praying for a life that mirrors Christ’s love, is that we are faced to love when we don’t want to, when we don’t feel like it, when we get nothing obvious in return, when they don’t deserve it, when they’re not worth it, when they don’t know it and even when it makes no difference. Yet, we live it out anyways.

For the last few months now, I have been convicted of Christ’s love as I pray to share more of it. There is someone who deeply and ruthlessly betrayed me over the course of three years. In wisdom, every counselor and mentor advised strict boundaries to stay away from the toxicity and ‘unsafe’ person. I forgave their actions and prayed for healing and restoration in their lives. A few months later, I moved states away. But the harassment and hurting continued until one day, this person also moved to my new city and stepped into my circle of friends. I became so distraught by the turmoil of pain and alone in my struggle. It seemed no matter how I tried to ‘brush off the dirt’ and walk away from the past, God’s love was pressing in deeper, asking me not to walk away from people. With nowhere else to turn, I began praying for a desire to deeply love them and God’s power to walk in it. I felt everything in me die as I invited Jesus to do the impossible; to help me love the ‘unlovable’.

As the weeks passed, I continued praying through the pain until that day came; when Jesus carried me in courage, strength and favor. The love of Christ consumed me as I sought out and embraced this person. And only in His power, my heart was able to walk out a love that desired to willingly serve. Instantly, I experienced insurmountable JOY and FREEDOM that I cannot adequately describe.

I think we find loving so painful because we try to love with our own emotions and our eyes fail us when love doesn’t bring about the exact results we want and asked for. But we are called to love by faith. Love our enemies by faith. Love our betrayers by faith. Love a bitter parent by faith… not a feeling. Living love is a daily commitment to throw off preferential affections. We live by faith. We love by faith. If we truly become a person who makes a lifestyle of believing God, we will become bolder in our love for others and what we’re willing to believe God for in their lives.

Walking in love doesn’t always feel warm fuzzy. Sometimes our only motivation is obedience to God. If no one else catches the love we sacrificially give, know that God will.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

Oh my Lord, the things you bring us through astounds my eyes. You are faithful to deliver us from the stronghold of bitterness and hatred, so that our hearts may experience the freedom and joy you authored in this life! May the fruit of Christ’s love within us surface in our words and walk today. We come yielded to your authority, may we be so filled by your Spirit, Lord. Guide us to those relationships we still harbor grief in. God, give us the strength to walk out your unfailing love. Help us to actively love others and pray those big prayers for them. You were faithful yesterday and you will be faithful today. We trust you for more faithfulness in our future. May we love by this same faith.

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End It

Each year, the world joins hands to take a stand against modern slavery with the End It Movement. When asked why I wore a red “x” on my hand, I explained there are currently women being held in prostitution rings and children being chained to labor but sadly, we thought the days of slaves was over. Truthfully though, we’ve turned a blind eye and just stopped looking.

It all got me thinking. You know, many of us, are slaves to sin. We choose the lure of lust, bitter behaviors, arrogant attitudes instead of love, peace and joy with others. We turn a blind eye to rated ‘R’ movies, a man on the corner with his hand out and gossip that fuels our sickness for satire. We get greedy with our money, label others by their sins and pronounce glory on ourselves in a prideful job well done. We are slaves to sin. We clash against the chains, struggling in a stronghold, fighting for freedom from this sin that enslaves our hearts.

In silence there is safety—safety from potential prosecution or pain from the backlash, safety from the danger of facing a difficult truth: that the quiet, close-knit Christian community could be cruel, cowardly, and lawless. And yet, despite our wishes, history is full of cruelty, cowardice, and lawlessness. Nowadays, though, we are not so much silent as talking loudly about anything that will help us avoid being the target. We suffer under a conspiracy of misdirection. Satan is sliding in through the backdoor and we miss the carpet being pulled from underneath our feet.

This isn’t about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but about the Truth that as slaves to anything, we cannot be fully free. We war against the box of cookies that keeps showing up in the cupboard, the gym membership buried in our mind, the word ‘yes’ that slips out when everything in us is says ‘no’, the negative thoughts that materialize into words, the lack of generosity for others needs, the pride in ourselves that crushes compassion for others. The triumphalist rhetoric, instead, lets us—tells us to—look away.

May I encourage you in this day not to wait another second dismissing bondage under a cloak of grace. Release the beast, so that you can experience the fullness of His Spirit! I don’t want to be bound to the empty life this kind of slavery is destined for. My captivity to sin is a choice. Jesus came to set me free from the burden of this kind of slavery. No more laboring. No more pleasing. I am free. Heavenly Father, release the fullness of your Spirit on us. Strengthen our hearts and minds in the midst of any fear and press into our hearts, increasing our desire for even more freedom. I’m thanking you in advance Lord for what you’ve already done and what’s about to happen in us. Amen!