Posted on

Heart Surgery

The seconds feel like forever, so I have no words for these minutes, days and months. The beat has stopped, blood drained and my heart completely exposed. No anesthetic is administered for this operation. Folks in the waiting room should be alarmed at the length of time it’s taking, but I suppose that only reveals the severity of this sickness, the depth of my ‘disease’. Unfortunately, any complications prolonging this procedure are due to my own stubbornness. I’m clinging to the contaminated because it’s comfortable. It’s been with me for so long, we’re sadly inseparable.

My eyes are wide open during most of this, though I wish they didn’t have to be. My soul struggles with what I can see, coping with excruciating anxiety and looking for anything to pacify the pain. The sinking sharpness of His Spirit stings as the blade of His Word sinks a little deeper. I pray and the compassion in His presence calms every nerve, closing the lids over my eyes. And that’s when I feel the tenderness in His touch, sedating my senses in the surgery. Tides of tears fall in rhythm with the piercing pain yet, I will be living a dead life if this procedure doesn’t happen.

Not that my mind isn’t troubled in this turmoil and the pain isn’t plentiful, but I know the Great Physician is the only one equipped to operate in such a desolate, vile place. For the most part, I find rest and peace in knowing God’s specialty is raising dead things to life. I’m discovering His ministry in my misery as this heartbreak brings great healing in others. Passion runs from the roots of pain. My writing is only the overflow of His healing nectar in my brokenness.

I haven’t known a single person who bears the evidence of God’s presence and power in their lives, who hasn’t also been asked to walk in dramatically painful obedience. Though we’re changed on the inside, our minds take time to catch up. Paul reminds us of this in Ephesians 4:22 You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds.

Lord, I want to see generations fall into your heart. No more lies, no more fears. Consume their hearts, open eyes and craft their character to see and be magnetized by the beauty of who you are that their feet will fall into the path that leads to righteous, holy living. Despite depression or despair due to my own decisions, you will always be my Daddy. Your word says you are the Defender of the weak and draw near to the brokenhearted. I’m inviting you to come deeper than before and let me drink from your well of life. I am securely yours with no shame. Drench me in your grace and peace and create a new thing in and through me as I willingly lay bare my weaknesses, so that your power, my King, may be made perfect. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Posted on

Live Like Love

I just finished viewing the new ‘Son of God’ movie. Based on a true story movies are gripping because we connect on a real life level with the people. This particular picture allowed me to step into the epic truth of who Jesus was and is and partway through, everything in me just wanted to stand up and proclaim “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”

And it got me thinking, how can we live our lives not sharing who God is, who Jesus is? There is no life outside Christ, but what we call ‘ambition’, ‘a career’, ‘a name for ourselves’, maybe even ‘contentment’. Sadly, as I too am guilty of this, we don’t actually live in the fullness of believing all who Christ says He is, otherwise we wouldn’t be so complacent with the the way things are or the use of His name. We also wouldn’t be so wrapped up in our talents or the agenda we have set out to accomplish, but only how GREAT our God is, how marvelous His works are and how good His love and desires forever will be for us. Not just by our words, but mostly by our actions will people ever get a glimpse of Jesus. Whatever the case may be, if we truly love God and love people, we cannot deny them the Truth that Jesus lives, God is love and our lives are authored to testify this.

The love of God is meant to be a powerful force in our lives, one that will take us through even the most difficult trials without our ever doubting God’s love. Sadly, it’s when things don’t turn out in my favor, I question if God is really for me; “doesn’t He want this for me?” What a small-minded thought! He’s got the whole world in His hands and yet He sent His son to die for me. There is no higher display of love! My soul is consumed by the love of Christ on that cross and I feel God’s earth-shattering affections raining down; He loves me in it and through it all. God is love.

Oh my Lord, help us not to become so short-sighted in our situations to think this life is about our own stardom, fame and fortune here and now. Let us not be wrapped up in the gifts and blessings, the pleasures and pain, but only in the beauty of who you are, Jesus. Let us throw off passion and hope for our lives to be exalted and take up your desires for a life that testifies to your great name. Redeemer, Healer, Almighty, Savior, Defender, our King! If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Your love, o Lord, it never goes away! With every breath I take, help me Lord, not lose sight of who you are. May my passions be fueled by the beauty of your Majesty and may I live like love. May I walk like a carpenter who has nothing to lose and everything to gain with your name! Amen. Amen. Amen.

Posted on

Rags to Riches to Rags

If you set 10 almonds in front of me, I will eat all 10. If you place 25 there, I will consume every last one, probably in a bowl of oatmeal with fruit on top :-). Generally, we tend to adjust our consumption based on what’s available to us. Nutritionally, it’s called ‘portion control’. According to a 2010 study by researchers at Vanderbilt University, the more money you win in the lottery, the more likely you are to end up bankrupt. And I believe it’s the same principal for people who receive big settlements through a divorce or lawsuit.

‘Get rich’ schemes or opportunities that involve making a lot of money really fast, are rarely a good idea if we’re broke already. It was poor choices that got us penniless in the first place and it’s the loss of self control that’s keeping us there. Yet there are plenty of people who believe if they could only come in on big cash, it would straighten out their situation and things would be different this time.

Luke 16:10-13 Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Financial guru Dave Ramsey says most people raise their cost of living and increase their expenses when they come into large sums of money. All of a sudden, everything becomes an emergency or necessity to buy. Studies have also found that the more a person is given in a short amount of time, the quicker they land in debt. The problem is a lack of discipline and no “pay raise” or “gifting” is going to get to the depth of this habit that is holding us back from prosperity.

shutterstock_79924093You ever think about what this means for our relationship with God? Pastor Craig Groeschel from Lifechurch.tv just finished up a series called “Being Rich”.  He reminded me that the promises money makes are deceitful. Money swears us security and happiness, but those gifts are only what God can provide. All money can do is make you more of what you already are. If you’re miserable now, a wad of ‘frogskins’ will only make you more of it. Happiness can’t be bought with cash in hand. Ecclesiastes 5:10 Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.

It’s more difficult to depend on God when needs are met with your money. Scripture tells us there’s no faith in the things you can see. Jesus knew money and things would be a competitor for our hearts with God and with others spoke often about it. Truthfully, money has destroyed a few relationships in my life and come between love. In the end, money won’t cure a heart problem.

Sometimes, we don’t realize our desire to work more, so that we earn more, is hurting others. Groeschel pointed out “if you ever hurt your loved ones so you could work more to make more money, then you serve money and you’re under it’s power.” Essentially, we then are a slave to money. Great wealth only distorts what’s really important. We’re called to trust in God who richly provides, not how much we have. Treasure people’s hearts and not our own finances. Be concerned about others and walking in love instead of our own needs and desires. That’s the heart of Jesus.

Don’t let the temporary need or desire of money come between the lasting legacy of love. That’s my two cents. 😉

Heavenly Father, I’m encouraged in your reminders about riches that you knew us even then; the devil has always used the deceit of money against us. It’s a struggle for my mind to understand at times that money is not for me. You are for me, Lord. The riches I find in you cannot be imitated with what the world offers. Help me not to be frustrated in times of need, but to press deeper into my faith trusting in you.

The richest thing I could possibly have is already living in my heart. Your holy spirit is my most treasured gift. With you, I am already a wealthy woman in this land. I don’t need a castle when I wake up dwelling in your courts. It’s your presence that gives me the peace that money can’t buy. Let my heart never go broke again. Guide my life, lead me in your disciplines to invest in this gift of you, Jesus. Amen.

Posted on

Breaking Out From A Rut and Planting New Roots

This has been a tough few weeks. I have felt deterred by the weight of devil’s cunning devices to distract my good intentions with mediocrity. I’ve been settling on things that are ‘acceptable’ and ‘honorable’ but not beneficial or considered wise concerning His plans for me.

My determined worship that discovers facets of His being have been disturbed and I utterly miss His secrets; about Himself, His plans, His desires for my life. All this busyness has been meaningless when you consider that I’ve made Jesus a ritual of religiosity, merely breathing through the motions of morning prayer. The roots of my relationship with Jesus go deeper than my most recent attempts to usher in His presence and that is why I so tenderly confess that my heart has been slowly breaking for a breakthrough.

I didn’t just wake up here. Some weeks ago, I allowed Satan to steal my joy through a circumstance that didn’t come out as I had hoped. A rather crushing blow. I let the devil demoralize my heart by preying on one of my greatest fears. I had failed… me. Days of seeking and studying ‘joy’ did not parade in a restored life of rejoicing. With every fiber in the fabric of my being, I have been so desperate for an intervention of deep communion with God. I’ve been crying out for Christ to intercede.

Joshua 1:5 “No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.”

Did you catch that? He will not fail us. We may fail, but God will not. And He is for us! Failure doesn’t always look like a grievous sin or mishap. Sometimes it’s a slow decline or decay that snatches up unsuspecting, sincere followers of Christ. God is the strong arm that picks us up when we struggle to stand on our own. Abba wipes away our tears, brushes off the bloodied scrapes on our knees and mends the wound in His warm embrace. When our Author’s plans for hope and a future seem out of reach, He reaches down to offer them up! At this time, it seems all I can do is cast myself entirely upon His ability. I’m blinded to any ambition but to please God. I’m grabbing onto the hem of His garment for healing and grace to go where He leads. As I walk in the shadow of the Almighty, He equips me to do the impossible. There I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Posted on

Grossly Blessed

Recently I’ve been convicted in my tithe efforts. First came a message from Rob Morris, who pastors Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas. He stirred my heart when the great debate between tithing on gross or net was summed up in this statement: I’d rather be blessed based on the gross, rather than my net. I realized that I had been giving to God what was left over after the government and insurance had their say; my heart was saddened. Though my intentions were good, I didn’t act on this conviction.

A second message that gripped my conscience was by Craig Groeschel of Lifechurch.tv in Oklahoma City. He and his wife increase their giving each year by 1 percent, regardless of a pay raise or circumstance. Groeschel said they were in the habit of giving this way before any big increases came in their family or ministries.

Tithing doesn’t just increase God’s blessing in my life, it increases my faith in His provision. It stretches me wider and deeper, and I begin to experience an even more intimate relationship with my Abba. So I decided to take that step. I made a commitment to increase my level of giving each year from here on out by 1 percent. And I chose to start tithing on my gross income, throwing in the first increase that very day (which was last Sunday). I felt remarkably better knowing it was off my chest and in God’s hands.

Tough days followed and I forgot about my commitment in church, that is, until my accountant emailed the final summary. As a single adult, I always pay in, so I was not looking forward to filing, like most people I know. This time was different though, as it reflected the government was returning to me 10 times what I gave to God just a couple days before. It was in this moment that I knew my Provider was honoring that faith on Sunday and saying ‘well done, my good and faithful servant’.

I don’t always see the fruit of my faith honored/blessed/returned with rapid response, but when I do, I am eager to give God Almighty the glory by encouraging others with stories of His hand at work. Our God is real, alive and moving mightly today, just like yesterday and just like He will be tomorrow! May you find His hand of extravagant provision in your life, as you put Him first in your giving and in all you do.

Posted on

Healthy Doesn’t Mean Whole

I like the way I feel when I’m eating right and exercising. I feel so alive, I feel healthy! But have you ever considered that being healthy on the outside doesn’t mean you’re whole on the inside?

“Do you want to be made whole?” Jesus asked this very question to the the people at the Pool of Bethesda. Have you ever wondered why Jesus asked this question to a man who had suffered his affliction for thirty-eight years?

Perhaps the question was about more than just physical healing. I think what Jesus was actually asking was, “Do you want to be complete? Do you really know what wholeness will mean, and the responsibility it will bring?”

Yes, God is our Healer but His desire is for us to be whole – body, soul and spirit. Along with needing physical healing, many of us have emotional brokenness and spiritual issues that prevent us from living in the fullness of God’s blessing. As humans, we tend to focus on and react more to the things that are going on around us but pay little attention to what is going on inside us.

When something is broken, it doesn’t function properly and when you are broken on the inside, you are much more vulnerable. Wholeness comes when you are willing to take on the responsibility to change on the inside and deal with the attitudes and mindsets that can hold you back from living a blessed life.

“The strong spirit of a man sustains him in bodily pain or trouble, but a weak and broken spirit who can raise up or bear?” Proverbs 18:14

How is your spirit? Are you hiding brokenness that you are too ashamed or overwhelmed to deal with? Do you want to be made whole?

Father, there is no limit to the wholeness you bring. Help me find the courage of faith to trust You with the areas of my inner life that need renewing so I can live a life of wholeness.

Posted on

The Sun & The Moon

shutterstock_128738489

Last night I asked the Lord to shower me with His affections, to drown me in His undying love, to saturate my heart. Let this daughter not go unnoticed in this day. In my rest, I received a vision of the sun. Its radiance was in noble tints and tones, opulent oranges, glittering yellows, elegant embracing reds. It was a blazing, sweet warmth on my face. God told me He knows how I love the sun on my face, as I marveled and basked in its beauty. There is no color wheel that can contain the dyes I saw.

Then a vision of the moon, oh that moon! That moon! I had never seen a moon nearly like this before… I was close enough to see its depths… and everything in me was moved by its hues. I witnessed such grand magnificence… the purple that outlined its crevices, oh that purple… I’ve never seen purple like that before. Shades of striking red… glowing brilliant blues… the complexions cast were glorious… pure. In my captivated gaze of this moon, I awoke. Tender tears drenched my thoughts. The Maker of the Moon, the Maker of Me, My Beloved graced me with His mercy in a desperate moment for love.

Now that its morning, I realize, it’s the day of love, Valentine’s Day. I am overwhelmed at His expression of love for me. We have an amazing Father who listens to our requests and waits to drench our hearts in His love. I pray you feel His love above all else in this day.

Posted on

Encouraged In The Storms of Life

Over the last few months, I’ve been facing an increase in trials, and at the same time, receiving some divine appointments. Is it strange to same I’m encouraged in it? My pastor once said, “Don’t be scared when you face opposition or trials, be scared when you’re not.”   The devil wouldn’t be causing such a stir if we weren’t a threat to him. The closer we get to Christ, the hotter the devil turns up the heat.
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”  Romans 5:3-5
God allows these trials to strengthen our confidence in Him, as it provokes a walk in obedience to His word, so that, He can wean milk-drinkers off baby food and train them how to eat the meat of His word and be strengthened from the inside out by His Spirit.
I think sometimes when we find ourselves in a ‘situation’ and feel the heat, our natural inclination is to back out of it thinking we must have made a mistake, ‘for the favor of God doesn’t seem to be upon us’. But if we only understood the painful process Paul is referring to, I think we may press into the heat when everything of us wants to pull back. This is how God refines us by fire.
The confidence in what we cannot see should be a little uncomfortable at times; being stretched is how we grow. Following Christ is an unnatural transformation, from self-loving to sacrifice, from selfishness to serving others. Jesus tells us to ‘count the cost’ before deciding whether or not we want to follow Him.
What I’m experiencing is how to love God and love others with a drastically different, and unnatural, sacrificing love. It’s been a process. What I’m learning is how to ask God for hard things, expecting the hurricanes from hell to come wreaking havoc in what I claim as my life. However, the important part in these storms is this: that I’m not looking around for the quickest escape route. My trust is in God as we weather out the storms together.
God, never do I need you more than in the midst of these trials that toy with every emotion in me. My heart is deeply grieved, my joy saddened. This isn’t easy, sometimes seems not even fair. But I know you have something even deeper you’re working for your glory out of this. So I will choose to rejoice in this suffering, that your glory would triumph and be made known. You are victorious my King, and I claim your victory over any tribulation in my life. Amen.
Posted on

Love Actually

Love is a verb, an action, not a word. Love motivates us to do the ‘impossible’. Love operates in supernova strength; love can move mountains.

Love requires sacrifice. The value of something is determined by how much someone is willing to give up for it. The worth of a piece of wood is only as valuable as the sacrifice.

Love can be freely given, but is not cheap. The more we pay for it, the more we invest in greater care and protection over it.

Wherever you spend most of your time, thoughts, energy, is where your love is. Sometimes our love for something, someone is ‘unseen’ and we fool ourselves into determining its worth by what the world sees.

Love is death… to every will in our flesh. Love is crucifying everything else that tries to throne itself in the only place love should be. Love is concerning, it cares… about all the little things, not just the big stuff. Love actually, is Jesus, who didn’t care about appearances, or riches, or tomorrow. Love actually, is God who cares about even the hairs on your head. Love is His Truth, which testifies to the greatest commandment of all, love for Him. To love God is to know Him, trust Him, desire Him, follow Him, to want nothing more than Him. Love is higher than hope, peace or joy; it goes beyond the bad times and sees only His good. Love is steadfast, everlasting, ever present… never-ending, never escaping, never withering. Love actually, cares for the hearts of God’s people and presses in, it embraces when the circumstance hurts beyond what we can bear. Love is self-sacrificing and walks in complete abandonment to the world, it’s worries, it’s demands, it’s temptations to give up this sacrifice because ‘you can have what you need right now’ (Matthew 4).

My Jesus, you are the Love of my life… may I love how you love. My flesh fails miserably at grasping the fullness of your love, God. May you give me this desire of my heart, that your love radiate a portrait of your steadfast, sacrificing, never-ending love for you and for others. In my weakness to love, may your love prove to be all that I cannot. Amen.

Posted on

Awakened to the Love of Jesus Christ

I am lovesick. I sit here in the stillness of the morning and my heart is sustained by my Healer. He revives me in the dawn as His breath blows a fresh air into these lungs. The Spirit of God quickens my life, empowering and invigorating me to do in Jesus’ Name what cannot be done by human flesh and blood alone. I can taste His sweet Spirit in the gentle breezes.

When I’m weak and defeated, God infuses a strength wholly beyond me. He puts iron in a weary and worn out soul. The fire of Christ is in my bones. I ask Him to pour out His Spirit on me in ways that exceed what He’s done in the past and vastly glorify His Name. He is forever faithful to His Word and I desire nothing more than to bring glory to Christ, to be used by Him to extend the outreach of His powerful hand, and to serve in His merciful Name.

I deliberately enter into a fresh season and invite Jesus to do something brand new in me and thank Him in advance for what He has planned. His ways are always right. Always fitting. I am filled with a childlike enthusiasm. Without having a clue what is ahead, I can have unshakable confidence that God will be good to me. He holds me securely in the palm of His hand.