In December, I decided to make a concious effort to eat more natural foods (farmers markets), use more natural products (mineral makeup) and be more aware of pollutants (household cleaners) that may absorb into the body. I’ve always picked natural foods and products when given a choice, but never went out of my way to find natural alternatives. I’ve read in literature and reports that this kind of cleansing actually transforms and renews a person’s energy, skin, thinking, performance… ect. So I thought I’d give it a whirl.

Two months after beginning the process, I don’t think I’ve ever been more sick than now. I wanted to blame it on all these natural products depriving my body of the bacteria “it needs to fight to stay active and in shape”. However, I think this illness is actually caused not by what I’m putting in, but by whats coming out– years and years of toxins stored up. So I’ve been using a series of algaes, seaweeds and other cleansing naturals to detoxify the grime. Slowly becoming more and more sick… a painful process, but a good pain. In the end, I know I’ll be better for it… my body will be pleasured by the purity.

Another Christmas has come and gone…it was the cherry to top off the past; sharing time with lots of family, singing christmas carols by the fire, enjoying treats that go way past caloric guidelines. And now… The chocolate drizzle over the cherry, flying high over the world next to two senior citizens… Sipping on champagne and sharing about the days gone by. What a way to go out. I set myself up for a good 2009 with trips and leisure hobby seminars to get out to 6 months from now. The future is looking bright for 2009 my friends.

Have you ever had a friend say something to you that just completely threw you off guard. I mean, something that was just totally not what you expected, perhaps even something vicious?

A natural human reaction is to be dumbfounded… probably confused followed with anger. Anger that someone so close could say something so ‘off’. Off character, maybe off key, maybe just off– the wall. If you’re good, this is where self control sets in and tells you to just walk away. Don’t react… let time heal the words. But if you’re not so good, defensiveness sets in. Suddenly you find yourself attacking the person you love. Maybe it’s because you’re scared… of the unknown– not knowing those words were even possible to be coming from a friend (usually you can predict your friends words). Or scared that a person you trusted now seems to be playing for the other team… the opposing team that’s out to make your life a living hell– I think they call that one paranoia though.

If you’re prideful– or just human, you too lash back with your own set of words that you know will cut right to the heart. Deep into the heart. Something that will knock them too off guard and send a little bit of that vicious medicine their way. It all happens so quickly and before you know it, you’re both sitting wondering what the heck just happened. Did we really just say that to each other? Do we really feel that way about each other? Now you’re both confused… and sad and angry.

Does an apology heal the words that have been said? Now both of you will live in fear that if the friendship mends… those same words could come out again and hurt all over. Very sad. And yet, this is happening in our world everyday… friendships thrown to the fires of hell because things like vulnerability seem so hard to accept. Fear stands in the doorway telling us all… if you mend a broken friendship and allow yourself to become vulnerable again, the door will slam in your face a lot harder than the first. Sadly, fear wins most of the time.

My take. Fear is no friend of mine. I’d rather feel the hurt 70 times over than to never open myself up and love someone over and over again to the very depths of death. I would die for you my friend, if it meant we could live and love in our friendship for just moment in time.

Music. Its so powerful. If you’re succeptible to good music, you too have been overpowered by the emotion behind it. It’s kind of neat though that as you listen to someone else tell a story to melody, you suddenly feel in company. Like someone else understands. It almost makes everything a good thing that you experience because someone else gets it too. And then there’s those songs that some people believe were written just for them… about them… to them. Ah… music is a pretty awesome creation God made. And I’m glad he gave me a slice of appreciation for it. As I’m listening to a tune now… I can relate to where it’s going. This happens quite a bit where I hear what someone else is saying and can relate… with just a few minor changes to the verbage… we are singing the same tune. And suddenly I don’t feel alone. I’ve learned that no matter where you go in life… music can bring you right back. If you’re like me… I hear the music and all of a sudden I can smell and taste and touch it all in one note. That’s power!

To a woman, one… just one of the best parts of being married is the shiny rock that sits on her hand. A daily reminder of the vows she shared with her hubby, a symbol of the timelessness and wholeness of marriage and of course, the eternal bond she has entered into. A sign of satisfaction, a sign of the purified sanction.

8 months after I got married, I woke up one morning to find my ring finger in small blisters. I pulled the ring off and soothed the pain with ointments. After healing, I put my ring back on… within an hour or so, I was left in blisters again. I covered the finger in ointment and waited a couple days before I replaced the ring. But once again, I broke out in blisters. I tried the other hand… blisters. So now, for the last 7 months… I have been ringless. I’m allergic to my wedding ring… well, white gold actually. But that kind of thing starts to mess with your mind. Without that ring, there’s a sense of freedom thats projected to the world. Without that ring, I feel bare. Without that ring, I feel like something is missing with me. It’s amazing at what just a few months of high-class, expensive ring wearing can do to a person. But it’s not just that, it’s what it stands for. So I slip that shiny jewel on whenever I have a big meeting or even if it’s just a small gathering where I think men might mistake the bare finger as an opportunity. I guess the ointment treatments are a small price to pay for the chance to wear some diamonds!

If you’re reading this… there’s a good chance I’m missing you right at this exact moment. It has been a rocky four and a half years since I left my Iowa roots. And I have found that starting over isn’t as easy done as it was to roll off the tongue. My mind envisioned and my heart prayed for an exciting, carefree beginning, full of dignity, growth and joy. What I didn’t think about was this: to feel joy, you have to know what sorrow is and to experience growth, you have to fail in order to learn.

Today, I have a great church, a great job and plenty of great people that I’ve met in this new place. But what I miss is the seasons, the sites and simplicity of midwest living. I miss the family I formed 23 years of memories on and friends that I shared life with. I have carried these relationships with me, but as time has passed, those memories are becoming more distant… in fact, they are starting to fade.

That’s just sad. So I’m trying to keep those valued friendships alive through Facebook. And you know what, it’s kind of working! I get to see photos posted everyday from my friends who have now gone on to form families. It’s like these fond relationships have been rekindled. And I love that so many people I’ve lost touch with are seeking me out. It’s like I won the lottery! It means they’re still thinking of me and haven’t forgotten. Now, whenever I’m having a bad day and just need an old friend’s ear, I can log on and rely on their response to get me through, just like the good ole days.

Last night I was going through my devotional and the scripture to study was Psalm 40. So I opened my bible and found this: “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God…”

As I read that, the answer dawned on me. Sometimes God’s will is to be still and wait patiently. In the waiting, we are called to love those around us, continue to share our faith and serve others. And that ‘sometimes’, I believe, is me right now.

Alright Lord… you win. You always do.

Stuck in the mud. That’s how I feel sometimes when I don’t feel like ‘things’ are happening. A constant, contentment. It makes me feel like I’m planted. Ack. For a while, I had adopted a new attitude in my present situation and was enjoying the state of pleasantville; however, sitting still was difficult. I found myself wishing for a mud pie movement. And then the bomb hit. My husband lost his job. While I never intended for my husband to lose his job, it instills hope in me that this could be our opportunity out. All of a sudden, the skies opened up and it seemed the wiggle room was endless… unless, there’s nowhere to go.

And that’s where we’ve found ourselves. With all the daydreamed possibilities, it seems for now that’s all they will remain. In this, I am reminded that God can give us the desires of our heart, but if its not in his timing, all other possibilities will remain unlined.

So, is this merely a daydreamed opportunity or the one written in God’s Will that will finally create movement in our mud pie?

A couple days ago I decided I would cop a new attitude while being where God has put me. Since then, I’ve been spending my lunchtime having a picnic everyday under the shade of a big tree and after work I take a nice long walk or run under the sun! It’s fantastic! I’m calling it my ‘prayer walk’. It’s where I meet with God and walk and talk one on one. And I love it! The feeling of freshness and relief to get all my thoughts out. Then I head to the gym and pump iron to get every last bit of the bitterness out of me. It feels good to enjoy life:)

Another year is almost over for me here in Florida. I’ve now been a Floridian for nearly 4 years! That’s crazy! And since I’ve been here, I haven’t really accepted the fact that I am a resident of this state. I guess growing up in the Midwest for 23 years will do that to you. My heart has been in a place of unrest being thousands of miles from my family. And while the freezing temps aren’t exactly luring me back, the sweltering humidity continues to push me in that direction. I’ve concluded meeting in the middle would be the best… have my cake and eat it too:)

However, with all that said, God doesn’t seem to have opened the doors for a move. So now what? I guess I’m stuck evaluating what it is he wants me to see by being here. hmmm…

Well, I know since I’ve been here I haven’t fully enjoyed the gift of year-round sunshine God has provided. Most of my time here has been spent scoffing at the heat index… the headaches, the frizzy hair, the heat rash, the sunburn… So I guess that means my attitude hasn’t exactly been ‘serving the best’ for me, for others, or for God… alright:(

I do know God is not going to move me from where I’m at until I finish the work he has in store for me. So I’ve got to take this a step further. As I dig deep inside me, I see I struggle with a very stubborn attitude. I don’t gravitate towards a change of heart. Before moving to the Sunshine State, I already decided I wasn’t going to like it. There’s a stigma about Floridians… they’re lazy and nudes and high rollers. My family was against the move, so this fed my frustration with Florida before I stepped foot in its territory.

But God called me here… that’s what I kept saying. So why? After a few years of living in ‘paradise’, I feel like the kid kicking and screaming out of a candy store. God can move me, but I don’t have to like it! What in the world am I doing? I feel embarassed at the immaturity! I know in my head that God is going to stick his ground until my heart moves from where I’ve been to where he wants it to be… so why do I challenge His decision to put me here?

Well, the solution can easily be summed up in words… I’ve got to change my heart! Enjoy the goodness he’s given me, live up the bright side of things. We’ll see how long it takes for my head to get my heart on the same page.