Had an interesting conundrum on Friday morning and haven’t been able to speak about it until now. I woke up feeling like I got a good night’s rest (probably because it stormed very heavy overnight and I sleep like a baby when the rain and wind is blowing)… prepared myself for the day and reached for my door a few minutes early to make a meeting for work. Except the deadbolt wouldn’t budge. I strongarmed the lock and nothing happened. Wouldn’t you know it, I had felt so good that morning that I hit the gym– even in the hurricane weather we were having– and decided to leave my phones in the car since I was just running in the house to change my clothes and cleanup a bit before work. So here I was, locked essentially, in my own home. No way to contact a soul. I don’t have Internet in my house, I live on the second story so I couldn’t climb out and this was the only way out. I pleaded with the door… it wasn’t giving up. So I opened a window and tried to call out to someone… it was blowing so hard and pouring rain so heavily (literally, we were in the midst of hurricane weather)… no one could hear my cries– by this time, I really was crying– I’m a claustrophobe in a big way. I went back to the door and started banging on it and throwing my whole body weight into the door… nothing. Imagine what that felt like. Every attempt was worthless. Then an idea came to mind as a tarnished brass screw holding that deadbolt in place gave me little glisten. I swung open the cabinet doors under the sink and reached for the toolbag.. and I think at this point had the deadbolt been able to see what was happening, it would have been trembling itself loose. But it didn’t. So I grabbed the philips screwdriver and started to twist away. As I loosened the bolts, I had little care for where they ended up and let everyone of them hit the ground and bounce around. I had little thought about putting the pieces back together, I just wanted out… NOW! Once the bolts were out, the inside plate of the deadbolt fell off and I was faced with another dilemma. The locking mechanism for the deadbolt was wedged in the door good. I took a hammer and praying for good aim, I swung at the lock inside. Nothing happened… so I swung again, and again and again. Even thought the deadbolt wasn’t moving much, I earned a very high score in marksmanship!– it helped that I have a background in building things. Seeing that my efforts weren’t getting far, I took the screwdriver back out and plucked around on the inside of that lock trying to jiggle something loose… then I just resorted to stabbing the lock out of the hole… with everything I had in me, I bludgeoned the deadbolt until it finally gave way and fell out… it was a very weak ending for the lock, but for me I swung that door wide open in triumph! 45 minutes later. I stared at the mess. And at that point, I didn’t care if my door ever got locked again. But the reality was that I did care a little about coming home to an empty house. So for the sake of my belongings (not the door though), I carefully propped the deadbolt face plate back up into the empty hole and walked away a free woman.

Today, the dismantled lock is restored to its original position, by the way… well, kind of. The inside knob that I turn to lock the door is very loose and falls out everytime I reach for it… but when tightened, won’t accept my key on the other side. I’d rather deal with a loose knob than a lock that won’t budge, so there.

Earlier this week a friend shared with me about his efforts to woo a woman. It was quite thoughtful and well planned, especially coming from a 57-year old man. So when I heard friends of mine were traveling many miles to visit for an evening, I thought about how I too could put together a well thought out plan to show my love for my friends. The wife just received a clean report from the doctor on her cancer, the husband relieved and wanting to take time in each other’s company to see the countryside. They were new to my neck of the woods, so I wanted to show them a piece of my everyday paradise. I looked into the weather for the day and timed out a trip to a nearby island. As we crossed a mile long bridge to get there, the sun was setting over the glistening water. Talk about marvelous. It was so beautiful to see white trails following the boats and sparkling water under a clear sky. We drove to a remote white sand beach with clear blue water spreading out as far as the eye could see. We were staring out into the gulf with sea gulls flying overhead as the sand squished beneath us. The sun was still drifting into the west as we watched the waves roll in under an orange sky and soon night was falling. We traveled to a popular restaurant on the island and my friends took in Florida’s ‘traditional fishy’ food. After dinner we crossed the bridge back to the mainland. I had originally timed out that we would catch fireworks on display over the water from a downtown celebration, but after closing the restaurant down with our late night conversation, the sky was pure black with sparkling stars overhead and a bright moon lighting up outlined waves. It was a memorable night and I actually felt good about really planning out how I could show my love instead of just letting the cards fall into place (like I usually do) and afterward wishing I would have done this and this and this and that.

It’s been a while since i’ve been able to take a breath and share my life. I asked my work to send me overseas on a project in November… it ended up taking me til now to get caught up on everything else. I did get a 2-week trip home to see family and friends over Christmas, but even then I shared a portion of my time on work. I am happy to say I am not here to talk about that.

I’ve learned over these last few months how to stress myself into unbearable pain. So in the midst of it, I have tried to focus on simple things in life that can nourish my soul, mind and body. I’ve been spending my weekends at the library for hours reading biographies and historic events and my weekdays at the gym lifting and listening to audiobooks and messages of hope. I’ve turned my office into a serene escape with waterfalls and the sounds of nature and my evenings with bubble baths, soft bath towels and warmed pajamas straight out of the dryer. My nutrition is filled with lots of healthy protein and vegetables… and snacks of fruit. I’ve filled mornings with massages and days with good conversations reconnecting with friends. Its the simplist of actions that have started to restore my soul.

I’ve been living in South Florida for more than five years now and every day it becomes more and more of a sad state to be in- literally. I MISS the colors of the leaves in the fall, the cool breeze that blows even in the summer, the falling leaves, the need for a jacket, the appearance of the earth and everything on it without the sun shining, the smell of a cool rain, the wonder of watching snow fall, a walk outside in the fall, spring, or summer that leaves a person feeling refreshed, the need for warm beverages, the sound of people outside, the lights of Christmas and smell of evergreens, the need for heat, a fireplace and warm clothing, the conversation that carries on when two people are outside walking just so the moment can continue, a layer of snow covering everything, a need for the warmth that comes from being in the company of others, campgrounds at dusk with blazing fires and people huddled around roasting marshmallows and the people who care genuinely for the wellbeing of others- some call them family, I call them Iowans.

Today I weighed in at 118 with 43% muscle mass and 19% fat content. I feel pretty good about those numbers. I haven’t really been able to ‘dedicate’ myself to toning my body in the last year like I had hoped; my work schedule has kept me busy. But I’ve made it to the gym at least 4 times a week and spent my ‘days off’ walking trails. I switched over to eating lots of vegetables and protein– drinking lots of fresh fruit in homemade smoothies. I also cut out alcohol- except a glass of wine here or there. No fast food, rarely a sit-down restaurant. These were some very important decisions for me, very hard to keep, but they were kept. Maintaining a healthy body probably does more for your mind than it does for your body physically. I enjoy it. I long to be a mother. But not just any mom, a good mom who shows her kids the balance of a healthy lifestyle, both physically and mentally– Spending time together actively; going for walks, hiking, running, singing, building things, cooking meals, helping others. Not spending time watching television shows, sitting around the house, staring at a computer or playing video games. I really believe the only way to teach this is to do them myself, to believe it and live it. I’ve seen obesity run in my family and poor health run in skinny people. I refuse to except that as my life or the life of my future family.

Every Sunday morning, I like to rise real early before the sun comes up and walk a trail next to my house. The trail extends a half mile one way along a side street. About a quarter mile into the walk, every canopying tree clears and the trail is totally exposed by vacant land that seems to go on and on for at least 500 yards on all sides. It’s incredible. I start my walk off slowly as I set my ipod to my sunday morning walk playlist. It doesn’t take long and my heart seems to protrude through my voice. I belt out songs of praise and desire for God with my arms lifted high while I walk this trail. Once in a while, I’ll see others walking the trail, some on their way to work, some pedaling for cans, some trying to squeeze in a walk like me. And even though they are within listening range and I fully realize I am ‘tone deaf’, I just sing and sing and sing… they just smile. I have a favorite playlist that begins with ‘Meet With Me’ and ends with ‘Enough’. It makes me feel like I’m inviting God to meet with me on my walk, I praise him for 45 minutes and end by telling him he’s more than enough. It’s my way of pouring out my heart to Jesus in my own ‘intimate’ timing on Sunday morning. Then I head off to church.