During the couple of months I have ‘barista-ed’ at Starbucks, I have met many people. And it’s amazing what 30-seconds (the length of time it takes me to whip up a steamy cup while carrying a converstation with a customer) can tell you about a person. From just a few seconds I can tell you where they work, how their weekend was spent and what kind of a day they are having. Whats most important though is what kind of drink a person orders; this says it all! But I have come to form a person’s profile is constructed in those first few moments of the order. For instance, “tall in a venti cup” says ‘I’m cheap’, “sugar-free, nonfat with whipped cream” says ‘I’m trying to tell myself I’m losing weight’ and my personal favorite “venti, quad, 3 pump mocha, 3 pump caramel, extra hot, breve with light ice and a dome lid”… give me a break. You can only imagine what this says about the customer… but one word comes to mind ‘complicated’. And seriously there are those whose one-drink rap sheet is even longer than this! I can tell you people who order mocha’s and frappachinos have a sweet tooth and are not watching their weight. People who order ‘light’ drinks with whipped cream probably struggle with self esteem. Those who stick to straight black brews are very simple, don’t like change and know exactly what they want. And as time goes by, what I continue to learn about each customer proves my profiling conclusions that you are what you drink.

I’ve been taking some time to reevaluate my career, my aspirations and life; prodding every action with sensitive questions—does that complete me? In my quest, I cannot ignore that life is still developing around me, hence, my decision to jump into a buzzing industry that continues to brew at an alarming rate; coffee. It was seven years ago when I was first introduced to the gourmet coffee business through the alluring addition of mocha sauce and chocolate chips rolled into what’s called a ‘Starbucks Java Chip Frappachino’. Four years ago, my acquired taste for espresso dived into lattes. Long hours, round-the-clock stress and social gatherings catapulted this sweet treat into a lighthearted addiction. Today, it seems there’s no stopping the legal, addictive stimulant. This cycle I began at the age of 23, our children are getting a head start on at 11.

It started out with one, but today, I am the proud owner of four coffee/espresso machines that clutter my countertop. Can you believe that with Starbucks-certified machines, their packaged coffee and espresso and branded syrups, I still can’t make my lattes like the baristas?! To tell you the truth, it bothers me when I can’t master a fetish! With determination, I decided this time of soul searching wouldn’t be just about finding answers to life, but the key to great coffee, a great conversation piece and what’s become a great cultural icon. Plus, I know there’s more behind this once European delicacy and I’m a woman of interest in many subjects. I love research, especially hands-on digging! With two weeks on the job, I’ve learned that coffee isn’t just about the blend written on the bag- medium, bold, extra bold- but about the geographic region, and specifically, what hillside the beans were sprout from. After mandatory hundreds of cups of coffee and days of taste testing, I can give you a pretty accurate description of coffee comparisons based on global soils and even pair it with a pastry compliment a coffee’s acidity. One specific blend of bean Starbucks sells is stored for a year fermenting; every day the beans are stirred by hand while in storage. Chalk it up to the equivalent of a fine wine if you will. The bean itself is blacker than black and the taste is very bitter, highly acidic, our boldest of bolds and coffee connoisseurs ask for it by name. I’m now learning about the types of drips, a French press versus a drip; basically those with beans immersed in hot water and those with hot water trickling through the grounds.

On the making of specialty drinks, oh mama, is this the technique and order of mixing ingredients important, like baking a cake really. Shots die after ten seconds and if you watch the shot after its pulled you can literally see what’s known as the body, separate from what’s known as the heart, and lastly the crème’ pulls away. So if I don’t have that pulled espresso in my cup and mixed in a handful of seconds, the drink is ruined. Couple this with the revolving coffee menu that trips up every drink with a new method of mixing to suit its customers. For instance, lattes get espresso first, milk last, but make it fast! Mochas get espresso first, but take your time because the shot has to melt the sauce before the milk is added. And macciatos are upside down-milk first, espresso last; super important to get this order right, I’ve tasted it when the order is wrong, ew! Americanos get no milk, chai teas get no coffee and every drink has a customized staple- whip, sprinkles, drizzle, foam or lack thereof. And that’s just the hot bar; we have an array of cold drinks that have their own rules. Mix any of this up and there will surely be a ‘regular’ down your throat. Even after menu items are retired, regulars still order these drinks, which requires newbe baristas, like myself, to dig through the coffee industry’s 20-year history for the preferred concoction. And that’s my brewed awakening.

I’ve been working a parttime job at Starbucks; I’m a little infatuated with their coffee drinks and couldn’t really think of another way I could still drink them without income coming in… so it made sense to just work there, get free coffee all day, learn their tricks behind a perfect espresso AND get some spending cash 🙂 Believe it or not its taken about a month to get setup in my new place in life. I only plan to be here temporarily so I can get some of those small personal projects done I’ve been wanting to do, get God’s guidance on the future of my career and set myself up for a great beginning in one of the most beautiful places around. I love the Fall weather in the Midwest, it’s already getting cool outside, low 70’s… I love it! I get to wear a jacket and not feel sweaty all day!! The breezes are beautiful and being around my family is fantastic! Something really neat: I’m a huge fan of Craig Groschel (if you’ve never read Chazown, you’ve got to read it! I bought the book two years ago and have read it several times since). When I got here, I asked a friend what church he’d recommend for the area of town I’m living in. He gave me a recommendation of where a friend of his goes, which is maybe a mile at most from where I live. So I tried it. It’s a starter church, something I’m really used to; the last six years I’ve spent my Sundays in two starter churches. This particular church happens to simulcast Craig Groschel every Sunday for the teaching. They have a very intimate setting in a strip mall with couches in the sanctuary, cafe tables and candles on every table for lighting. It’s beautiful, the messages are meaningful and I enjoy the people! It’s already been an absolute knowing from God that this is where I’m supposed to be! I love confirmation… so affirming and makes me just feel God’s embrace! I know I won’t be here long in this place, but it’s been such a lesson to me. We’re never anywhere in life that we can be sure of that tomorrow will come. Knowing that my time here is short, I’m making the most out of every single moment of my day. From the smiles I give to every customer that strolls through my till, to the love I pour out in every drink I make; even to those just driving by as I go for my walks. I want every person that I come in contact with to know they are getting the best of me– a bright smile, a kindness in my eyes and bounce in my step. And the greatest part is that I really feel it all from the bottom of my heart. I have such an outpouring in my soul for people and what better place to be than in the hub of it all, Starbucks.

For the longest time I’ve desired the pursuit of a rich happiness in my heart; I’m now taking the time to fulfill it. In the last month, I’ve dedicated time to go after life and not let anything stop me. Maybe its all the caffeine talking, but I feel confident and bold about the opportunities out there. Giving is never option for me. Many hard choices lie ahead, but I hope it all leads to a more blissful life. Everyday we make the choice on how to live our life; you can change your fate. There are many ways I have been ‘dumped in the dirt’ during the last several months, years, but I’ve opted to use those experiences has insight for the future; I want to maintain my integrity for a deeper relationship with God. So during this time, I’ve intended to lose myself in a myriad of books, movies, exercise and writing… and loving on people. I’m also using this time to broaden my world on the joys of coffee and dancing. These are all things that make me smile at the end of the day.

Something I’ve been thinking about lately: are there people who come into your life for a certain time, and then you are supposed to go your separate ways? A part of me thinks that could be true; friendships that we grow out of. But I believe in the long haul. Striving is a basic quality for me.

It was my choice, but I think it’s going to work out. There’s a new chief in my workplace, and she just about fired everyone, except me. Those who escaped had an unsaid increased pressure to perform. The motives, and lack of rational reasoning to fire people really bothered me. So I turned in my own memo of resignation. Little did I know, this turned the dragon’s fire in my direction. I overheard our chief operations officer commenting to co-workers ‘He is really giving her a hard time. It’s not right what he’s doing to her.’ I felt every bit of it, and it hurt.

A few coworkers stopped to give their final farewell in my last days; my work was done. They said “I brought the spirit of prayer alive in the office, left an unforgettable impression and filled the place with love, joy, and laughter”. That’s the legacy I’m leaving here. I’m saving these cards to remind myself of the possibilities when I step aside and let God take control of my work. His work with me here is done. I’m off to a new adventure, where I can only imagine the beautiful things we’ll do together!

I moved into a condo community where the average age is 60+, on purpose. I enjoy listening to stories and gathering wisdom of the ages that hasn’t failed me yet. In fact, several times over the last three years this hand-me-down perspective has saved me many tribulations. Just yesterday my friend Charlie sat me down by the pool with elation, he has lost 60lbs so far! Seven months ago it was a community staple to have a beer bellied Charlie guzzling a case by the pool, baking past the point of a well worn wallet. After a heart attack in December, the realization of missing out on his 1-month old granddaughter’s wedding kicked his habits. Today, I leave for work and catch Charlie making his rounds to reach 7 miles a day on foot. I come home to an empty poolside; Charlie’s slightly tanned hands are grilling fish for dinner as he sips an iced tea to stay cool.

On a walk today, I realized I’d rather be confident and wrong than unsure and right. There’s much to be said about the health of a confident mind vs. its counterpart. Boldness is rich, uncertainty seems weak. Afterward, I picked up Paul Harvey’s America and I’m surprised at Mr. Harvey’s unyielding contributions to Christianity through his broadcasts. Without his identifiable brand and army of an audience, I wonder if Harvey would have survived this generation of patriarical impartiality– that’s what I’m calling America’s abolition of remnants that credit God for this nation and those that declare the allegiance our founding father’s had to His Majesty. I would have loved to have heard Harvey sound the trumpets on the newest wave of “political correctness”. It’s a shame the Harvey days of, what I’m claiming as uprightness, are disappearing with the sands of liberal times.

On another note, I’ve read quite a few scripts, speeches and writings by Mr. Harvey. One particulary captured my attention as a powerful, seductive challenge. He said “Trust me to paint pictures on the mirror of your mind and I will let you feel such agony and ecstasy, such misery and majesty… as you would never be able to feel by merely looking at it.” I lose my breath just typing it. I’m a videographer by trade, but I think Harvey’s daring confidence has made me a believer in air waves!

It’s amazing, scripture has all the answers I need and sometimes I fail to recognize the truth. There’s an old story about a man drowning, pleading with God to save Him. The guy dies. When he gets to heaven, he asks God, ‘why didn’t you try to save me’? God says ‘I sent the boat and the helicopter.’ This rings true in my life a lot. Why do I insist on things be done my way? My thoughts are but a small speck in God’s infinite wisdom and possibilities. Failure is not falling down, but staying down. Thank God He has the patience to see me stand back up. And thank God for the ‘boat’ and ‘helicoptor’!

Have you ever wanted to cry so bad the tears wouldn’t come out? Or prayed that this life was all just a dream? Each day when I think it can’t get any worse, something comes along and pushes me just a little closer to the edge. I want someone or something to blame, but all I have is myself.

I’m trying to stay positive. My hopes are hyped up on optimistic opinions and then the inevitable happens and I’m right back to where I was yesterday and the day before that, in a miry pit of hopelessness. What a crude joke this is! Lord, I seriously need a break! To the devil and his constituents, give it a rest! I search scripture for a glimmer of light, but I time out in darkness. I feel like I can’t break what has me bound; I can’t escape the cycle of waking up to a meaningless existence. My soul hides from the days and longs for the nights. Freedom feels like just a tear away, but my hardened heart won’t even wimper.

I have disappeared; leaving behind no evidence of where I am, not a phone call or google search will reveal the depths of where I’ve gone. I need an escape from life, a few days of uninterrupted peace. A place where the burdens, drama and realities can not find me and distractions won’t be mistaken as answers. Life and love is meaningless in a lost soul. It is aching. That is how I feel waking up in paradise and falling asleep to magenta sunsets.

I hope to get lost in a fantasy that brings out my inhibitions and unlocks fear. I crave the raw core of my heart to be revealed. What am I most afraid of? What is it I want more than anything in the world? I pray for a revelation of biblical magnitude and the strength to follow it.