I always wanted to save the world; every homeless man and all the hungry children. My parents thought I’d outgrow it. I never did. I also wanted to be a crime-solving detective so I took investigative reporting for a test drive and found I’m an activist at heart.
Death will shatter walls of insecurity and take away the excuses to wait another day to do what you want to do. My brother was just a year younger than me. Losing my best friend as a teenager unveiled the deep seeded strength my soul found in God; a faith that had been nurtured morning after morning through searching the scriptures for the mystery beneath it all.
My aim is to inspire myself to move forward every day. From the overflow, I hope to inspire female confidence in others. We are so conditioned as women to hate on ourselves and reject compliments. Many of us have been taught that men validate a woman’s self-esteem so we’re left empty when there’s not a ‘he’ in our lives. We have to start by encouraging ourselves and then strive for healthy female influences to fill us. Then maybe we would find our attention in loving others.
The greatest lesson I’ve learned is to let whatever I do today be enough. If I run two miles and don’t lift weights afterward, it’s okay. I know that I’m enough. Successful enough, smart enough, pretty enough, healthy enough.
There was a time I trusted every single person and was teased for being so naïve. Too many lies and lessons later, I’ve learned to listen to my intuition and the Spirit’s leading. My heart still feels open and I’m ever madly in love with people, yet by the grace of God, I’m also more rooted in reading situations and have come to understand this heart needs protecting.
Thus, over the years, my skin has thickened and my heart softened.
Leaning into love a little more, I’m more obliged to let a man open my door than do it all on my own. And I bask in this sweet gesture. Saying no to someone who offers to help is closing a door.
Doing what I fear helps crack open the seed that helps me grow. I read somewhere that a human’s greatest fear is being alone. When I watch the world spin over the axis of careers, material, and relationships, this conclusion is certainly true for my own life. Taking the leap into living alone, traveling as a party of one, and remaining content as a single woman has been the biggest journey of faith for me.
I’m a believer in the impact of healthy habits, not just physically but emotionally as well. A morning routine of quiet time over coffee has a profound effect on my life. It is essential and helps me to live in the moment.
I’ve gotten better at slowing down and being more mindful of myself. My pride used to thrive on crushing it at work, crushing it at the gym, but leaving my mental health at bay. Getting up at 5 a.m. helps me claim the first part of my day in solitude without competing demands for what keeps me grounded. This is my sweet spot. There’s morning runs or afternoons in weight training. Monthly massages have been a game changer.
My focus is to commit to few demands, narrow the numbers and deepen each one as far as we can go together. Primarily, I look for shoulders wearing interesting layers and vulnerable souls who demonstrate strength over their emotions.
If we were to spend a dreamy day together, it would begin over coffee, unraveling our hearts in the Word. The sun would smile brightly and we would nod to how marvelous He has made this life. I just imagine in the end, that the moon would find us around a fire laughing at how crazy and adventurous this life really is.