Posted on Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Love Leads With Forgiveness

From what I could see, the situation didn’t seem fair. The longer I stewed over the details, the more animosity and frustration grew. Deep down, I knew I needed to forgive, but self-preservation and the fear of being taken advantage of were resisting the right thing to do. “Help me, Jesus,” I cried.

Just the name of Jesus reminds us of all the right things to do.

‘And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.’ (Luke 23:34 ESV)

When Jesus was hurt or taken advantage of, He led with forgiveness. Even in his death, Jesus put forgiveness first.

The flesh has a tendency to lead relationships with our eyes and emotions, but the love of our Savior leads His relationships with forgiveness. Jesus trusted God for the deeper spiritual work in the offender and the offended. He didn’t need to control or coerce people with explanations. Jesus let his love lead with forgiveness and let God be God.

If we say we believe Jesus’ way of life is the only way to live, but yet we cannot find forgiveness for the relationships that have wronged us, do we really believe His way is the best way?

To love like Jesus, we must begin at the cross of our rights and forgiveness.

Where do you need to stretch to forgive someone who has hurt you? How quickly does it take you to forgive a relationship that has offended you? What would life look like if you led with forgiveness instead of the flesh?

Here’s a place to start in prayer: Father God, when we think about how great Your love is for us, we think about how much You have forgiven us. Jesus, when we think about how deep and wide and vast Your love is for us, we see the cross and Your sacrifice on the cross to cover our sins in forgiveness. Help us, God, to love like You do and lead our relationships with forgiveness because we believe Your way is the only way to love. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

First Published on Beloved Women

Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Braving Trust

Understanding trust gives us words to say, ‘here’s my struggle and why I can’t rely on you’. Trust is a huge word with tons of weight around it.

There are common, quiet thoughts in our mind about trust that often go unspoken because we’re not really sure on how to sort through the vowels and verbs to make any sense of it. Researcher Brene Brown has a gift with dissecting and then organizing human connection. (Her bestsellers are worth buying; you’ll want to highlight, dog ear and pull these pages from the shelf to share.) Recently, she spliced open the anatomy of trust. Here are a few notes I’ve taken on the way we trust.

Trust is built in small, seemingly insignificant moments. It’s built when we ask for help and someone is there to lend a hand. Anytime we’re scared, there’s an opportunity for someone to build trust with us.

These same moments available for trust building are also available for betrayal. When we choose *not* to connect when the opportunity is there, this silent trust turns into betrayal.

Dr. Brown says that trust is really ‘braving’ connection with people.

B.R.A.V.I.N.G.

Here’s how she breaks down the acronym.

Boundaries: Trust is built when you are clear about your boundaries and you hold to them. I must also be clear about my own and expect you to respect them.

Reliability: Trust is built when you do what you say you are going to do. And not just once. We need to do what we say we are going to do over and over and over again. That’s what builds trust.

We also have to be clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we come up short and can’t deliver on our commitments. Acceptance of these limitations from you and me is vital to trust.

Accountability: Trust is built when you make a mistake and are able to own it, apologize for it and make amends. When I make a mistake, trust is built when I am able to own it, apologize for it and make amends for it.

Vault: Trust is built when what I share with you, you hold in confidence. And what you share with me, I hold in confidence. We both need to see that confidentiality with others is acknowledged in our conversations with each other.

You cannot share things that are not yours to share as a way to hot-wire connection with a friend. Your closeness cannot be built on talking bad about other people. Common enemy intimacy is built on hating the same people. That’s counterfeit trust. That’s not real.

Integrity: Act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same thing. This builds trust. Choosing courage over comfort. What’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy. Practicing your values, and not just professing them.

Non-judgment: Trust is built when I can fall apart and struggle and ask for help without being judged by you. And conversely, you can fall apart and struggle and ask for help without being judged by me.

We are generally better at helping people than asking for help. Yet, if you can’t ask for help and I cannot ask, then this is not a trusting relationship. There’s a temptation to assign value to your help. You may determine your worth based on how you’re helping someone. Or perhaps you think less of yourself if you need the help. However, if you think less of yourself for needing help, then when you offer to help someone else, you will think less of them too. We cannot get value from being a helper in a relationship. This is not your worth.

Generosity: It’s only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous positive thoughts about what my intentions and behaviors are doing and what my words are saying, and then check in with me. So if I screw up and say something or forget something, you will make a generous, positive assumption. As opposed to guarding your heart from me or ignoring my calls or efforts.

Here’s the catch to trust. We cannot trust others if we don’t first trust ourselves.

One of the biggest casualties with heartbreak, disappointment and failure is is not the loss of trust with other people but the loss of self-trust.

In my own life (Trisha speaking here), Brown’s definitions have breathed new life into my ‘brave’. Past breakups and frustrations have kept my decisions locked in a cage of self reflection and doubt that I could trust myself anymore to make better choices.

If braving relationships with other people is braving connection, then braving self-trust is braving self-love and self-respect.

If you can’t count on yourself, you can’t ask other people to give you what you don’t have. You have to start with self-trust.

Maya Angelou puts it this way, ‘I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me ‘I love you’. There’s an African proverb that says, ‘Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt’.

If you struggle with trust, examine first your own self-trust and how you treat yourself. You can’t ask people to give to you what you don’t believe you’re worthy of receiving. You will know you are worthy of receiving trust when you trust yourself above everyone else.

Posted on Saturday, July 11, 2015

Taking The Long Way Home

#contentmentisChrist

Contentment sometimes seems negative because we want to visually interchange it with complacency. But the word is simply just gratification. In fact, conversely to being complacent, I wonder if it’s possible that being content is actually what moves us forward.

After three summers of stubbornly braving the southern humid heat while sitting in hours of stand-still traffic with a vehicle that was only good for blowing hot air, I finally broke down against my financial will and bought a new one.

There was a sort of surreal sense the first time I turned over the engine and felt this frigid breeze blow briskly by my face. I swear the angels were singing.

With tears streaming in gratitude and unbelief, I reached for the phone and called home to my mom.

It was the first time I wasn’t mapping my location based on congested traffic to avoid.

“Mom, my heart is content. I don’t care what’s up ahead or how long it’s going to be. I’m taking the long way home.”

Isn’t it amazing how our circumstance can change the course of our drive? We no longer look for the shortcuts because our soul is satisfied. We are willing to wrestle with and withstand whatever roadblocks or barricades stand in the way of our route.

Contentment is deeper than this though.

I’m not claiming to know the key to contentment. Clearly I just let simple air conditioning in a car determine my satisfaction for several summers. Paul unpacks the crux of contentment in Philippians 4:11: I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

I will do my best to peel back his words and paraphrase in light of my own story: Your changing circumstance does not affect the declared strength of Christ. Contentment is a calm acceptance and stillness of heart in life’s pressures because of God’s sufficiency in your life.

Contentment unravels around our relationships. We’re selfish by nature. We survey our spouse for what he/she can do for us, or at least what we can get out of marriage. We sulk when we don’t get our way, and get angry because they’ve hurt our feelings. (I’m speaking out of my experience with marriage here. I could be the only one with this problem though ;-)).

But can we at least agree that for vows to last, it must be built on more than the happiness and well-being of two people. God’s plans have a much greater purpose. And that purpose needs to be greater than any amount of stress and struggle we experience.

We discover contentment when we take the focus off of the circumstance and put in on the needs of our spouse, trusting God for our own.

More frequently a lack of contentment cycles through our jobs. It’s easy to get so focused on our dreams and goals that we get to the point where we’re not going to be happy until we see those things happen.

If we have to have something in order to be happy, our lives are out of balance.

When ambitions start to frustrate us, and we lose our peace and don’t enjoy life, that’s a clear sign that we’re holding on too tightly. If we find ourselves chasing the elusive, “if I only had a _______, I’d be happy” dream, we’ve made our destiny a disillusionment.

God’s purpose is greater than any dream or goal you could envision on your own. Your problems don’t define your purpose. They are simply obstacles of the devil that you need to get past in order to continue with your primary purpose.

Comparisons will leave us discontent while conventionality will construct a coffin around life. So embrace both the light and the shadow.

The journey through this life will involve ups and downs. Job changes, the economic ebbs and flows, choices you make and decisions determined by others. And sometimes just the good or bad timing of it all.

There are few ideal situations, even fewer vacations and no perfect people. There’s no use in wasting time visualizing a life of highlight reels when that doesn’t exist.

It is our responsibility to live out of contentment in God’s purposes and make adjustments so we can live joyfully, whether He gives a little or a lot.

Whether you’re in a season of plenty or in a season of less, you can live with contentment and peace.

Release your vision of perfection. Freedom comes when you say, “God, I’m turning it all over to You. You know my desires and what’s best for me. I’m choosing to trust You and Your timing.”

When we learn to be content whatever the circumstances, it takes away the power of the enemy. It takes away his ability to frustrate us. Not only that, but by our actions, we are showing our faith in God.

When you choose to trust His timing, you can live in peace, you can live in joy, and you can rest in Him knowing that He has good things in store for your future.

Find freedom in contentment and rest in His everlasting peace.

Father, today I choose to trust You. I release frustration over the dreams and desires in my heart because You know what’s best for me. I choose to trust Your timing knowing that You are faithful. As I wrestle with what it means to be content, take the wheel in my confusion and settle all doubt. I want to take the long way home with You, Jesus. You are my holy obsession and burning desire. In Your presence I find peace and rest. Lead my soul beside still waters. May I never lose sight of this contentment that You are all I need. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

If you know someone struggling with fear or frustration, send them a link to this message. Or maybe you know someone feeling like a failure. Share some encouragement. Contentment is a message about who Jesus is, and it has nothing to do with our circumstances.

Posted on Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Take A Vacation

Without leaving home

Sure you could be laying on the beach at some far-flung destination, not checking emails and sipping a cocktail at 2 p.m. rehearsing “I’m on vacation!” You don’t need to set an alarm to wake up and can follow all the whims in the world because time, my friend, is on your side.

Sounds dreamy, right?

Well here’s a super surprise for you… It’s all in your head. Even on your couch, you can keep the beachside mentality by reading an entire book in one setting or download tons of music, and not move until you get hungry for chocolate chip cookies and espresso.

Not convinced?

I grew up in a family where having a good time was priority. Sure we lived paycheck to paycheck, but we were also at the lakes every weekend and living a good life. This is where I learned how to enjoy every day and live like it’s vacay.

Here’s a 1-2-3 for how you can to.

One: Live like the days depend on your prayers.

One day over coffee with my mentor, she mentioned she doesn’t use an alarm to wake up for work. This prayer warrior divulged that several years prior, she asked God to get her up on time without an annoying alarm and she’s never had to hit snooze again.

Her daily discipline was inspiring to me so I prayed that bold prayer too. And God has yet to miss a morning of waking me up.

Sadly, we settle for much less than God wants to give. We’re taught in Sunday School that He has the whole world in His hands but we get on our knees and ask for a little patience. Pray for bigger and bolder moves. Petition for the impossibilities to be made possible. No matter how little or big it seems, just ask. Your faith and expectancy won’t appall a willing Father. In fact, it will bring Him honor.

Get smart with your schedule and stop working to live. If you want God to give you those exhilarating gifts of not knowing what’s coming next, leave room for the interruption. At the very least, unwind some tension in your life by freeing up time from the daunting list of to-do’s. Breathe in some flexibility so you can bend when the whims blow instead of breaking under frustration.

No one wants to feel like it’s work to be around you. Let those closest to you feel a fresh breath of freedom in your company and use your brakes to develop some boundaries with the burdens. If you’ve already crossed the line by bringing home your complaints and unending emails, commit to change the course or it will impact your years to come.

Embrace the good and let go of the bad. Raise a glass to liberty and give the boot to negative nancies. Spend more time celebrating and less time stressing. Set yourself up for success by building a balanced life.

Two: Relish in Relationships

Focus on the quality of your hours alone with yourself. Spend time building a solid foundation in your heart for the future. A little loneliness goes a long way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant life. Sit with yourself and discover your worth.

Ask God to show you His supremacy in all things and teach you His sufficiency in the silence.

During the quiet hours, God’s still, small voice often breaks through the void and speaks the loudest.

Be intentional about taking this opportunity to get to know you. And take initiative with others. Dig into the pockets of your friendships and splurge on going deeper.

God has richly blessed me with homegrown girls who have weaved their way into my regular routine. But there was a day these warm hearts were few and far between and my soul ached for women I had never met. So I began advocating morning and night in prayer for specific friendships to join in my journey.

Today, I have more than I could have ever imagined and I’m madly in love with each of their raw emotions. God gave me the gifts and now I make it intentional to meet monthly, diving headfirst into the deep end of life as we wrestle through the wonders and worries together. Then I eagerly dig out my calendar to schedule when to do it all again.

People like to be pursued. I selfishly love their stories. Sometimes I wonder if my excitement over shared company is similar to what God feels when we come to Him spilling all our stories from the day.

Here’s the other thing I noticed. When there is nothing anchoring the heart for attention, I’m more apt to make small talk with anyone and everyone. You’re probably more carefree with your conversations over a campfire with a complete stranger than you are in your own coffee house, right?

One day I realized how ridiculous it is that I’m more shy in my community than I am willing to make connections in planes and trains on the first ticket out of here. I get so focused on what’s in front of me, it’s as if I pull a string on imaginary blinds and don’t want people peering in on my privacy.

Boldly embrace relationships. Commit to their hearts. It’s the silent cry your soul is longing for.

Three: Dream On.

Last lesson for living like you’re on vacation is to make your work work around your dreams. Live for what you love to do and let everything else fall around it. Let go of every limiting fear that says you can’t create the life you desire.

Reading and writing are bookends to my day. I spring out of bed in the early hours, eager to lift a finger on my dream. Then I make time in the middle to get paid for marketing, but it’s meager compared to the minutes I spend living my dream.

For me, there’s just something about learning new things that inspires a refreshing ‘ah ha’ moment like a much needed vacation. Regularly I run down the New York Times Bestseller list to discover new ‘must reads’ that have been reviewed and raved about. Then I click over to my library account and reserve a copy. Some books are only worth a browse, but the point is, fresh content is available to check out or download at your disposal.

Maybe taking a nosedive into literature hardly feels like a vacation to you (hey, there’s audio books and magazines too… just sayin’). Chances are your daydreams look a lot different than mine. But the point is, I’m giving you permission to pick something to splurge on and go for it! Sleep in. Dream on. Dream until your dreams come true. Mosey on into the next moment and be deliberate. Don’t just take a vacation. Live like you’re on one.

Posted on Friday, March 6, 2015

The Dream Team

Accomplishing a dream isn’t just about how we spend each day but also with whom we’re spending it.

Everyone needs a dream team. A team of people you dream with; a core community who encourages dreams into reality.

I believe who we surround our life with reflects what we believe about our own heart. Who they are, is who we will also become.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise.” Proverbs 13:20

It is okay to be selfish and hang around people who will make you better.

Pruning off relationships that are not adding to your life is essential to pushing through the problems and pressing into the promise.

It’s easy for my days to become unfocused, distracted, and wasted. Yet, I have responsibility to use my time wisely. So I hand-selected wisdom as accountability, while I hustle out the details of my dream.

Together, we expect breakthroughs and snafu’s. We climb the mountains side by side, and scout new horizons ahead.

We’re the high-five waiting after a cleared hurdle and a strong hand reaching out through the struggle. We speak sunrises into the storms and cast vision and victory into perceived defeat.

Everybody is dealing with something. There will be things that frustrate you, things you don’t understand.

We can’t see God’s best if our team is weak. Evaluate your inner circle and who you’re investing in. Get the right people in your life. Those seeds you sow will create the harvest you need that will not only take you out of the valley—It will lead you to a new level.

You need a crew to help you navigate uncharted territory. You need aviators to co-pilot the rise out of ruins.

When you have a great team, no matter where you are in life, no matter what comes against you, you won’t be alone. You will not be forgotten. The star of the team, God, remembers you. He never forgets the dreams He’s put on the inside.

Stack the deck of your dream team and prepare to soar into your destiny.

Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2014

People Over Plans

It’s only a few days now, and no, I’m still not ready for the ever-important appointments that have been set with some of the largest publishers around the country. My perfectionist, people pleasing personality is not happy about it one bit.

It’s saying, ‘try harder. You still have time. Don’t you dare go there un-prepared. Don’t let these people down by wasting time at the table with one sheet. Your future is hinging upon this.’

I stressed over the content. I strained my eyes at the screen. Then I got on my knees in surrender. ‘I can’t do it, Lord. I don’t know what to write and I can’t create something out of nothing. I give up. I’m not staring at the keys and a blank screen any longer until you tell me what to write.’

My body collapsed from the physical exertion and pressure I put on myself. I let out groans and sobs only the Spirit could understand. And then I began to praise.

Some minutes later, in state of mental exhaustion, I found myself staring at the ceiling in awe of a wonderful God, who created the heavens and earth and all things in it, and then stitched me.

Your plans have become your priority, but what about my people?

My ears perked up, ‘Oh God. I pushed people out and prioritized my plan for these appointments because I thought you opened this door for me?’

I did. And I can close it too. Desire me, seek me, pursue me and I will give you the desires of your heart. I will open doors no man can open. Trust me.

‘I understand. I’m sorry God for making this about me and my wisdom. So now what?’ I asked.

Make the chapters about (Beeeeeeeep. I can’t tell you this or it will ruin the element of surprise when the book is released ;-)). But let’s just say it is brilliant! What else would you expect from the greatest Author ever?

So I wrote down what He said and I let out a sigh of relief from pressure to perform.

There will be no book proposal to hand publishers. And to be honest, I’m not scared. I have seen God create pathways in my life where man has said there is no way. I am confident His work will be done here.

What I did do though is spend the next few days sharing moments over meals, movies and music with friends from all walks in my life.

I made people my priority over plans.

Ps. Last night, I fired up the oven and whipped up a batch of muffins for a friend in celebration of this new-found freedom.

If the stale, all-purpose baking mix was any indication of the last time I had stepped behind a stove in the name of service, good Lord! I suppose I made up for this shameful admittance by the number of ingredients I included in those gluten free, raspberry, lemon, poppy seed muffins. I only required my friend to try one, so IMG_20140723_063437 she could taste the intent of my heart that had been resurrected in the name of love for people over my plans.

Just in case you’re wondering… I whipped up a batch of flourless oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies for her family instead. I couldn’t leave our story on stale muffins. 😉

Posted on Saturday, January 25, 2014

How to Know if You’re a Controlling Person

Written by Donald Miller

If you’d have told me a month ago I had codependent tendencies, I’d never have believed you.

I don’t like it when people try to control me (especially indirectly through manipulation) and I’d have sworn I don’t do a thing to try to control others. But it turns out that isn’t true. For all I know, I might even be manipulating you right now. Raise your hand if you think I’m trying to control you. (I see that hand. Now put it down. Now scratch your nose.)

I realized I was a controlling person not long ago when a therapist caught me in the act. I was wondering out loud why a friend was doing what she was doing and the thearpist questioned why I was trying to get inside somebody else’s head.

“What does it matter why people do what they do? Are you trying to predict behavior to gain a sense of security?”

It was a terrific observation. Trying to figure out why people are doing what they are doing is a preface to trying to control or influence them indirectly. If I really wanted to know why they were doing what they were doing, I could just ask. But I didn’t want to ask because it was none of my business. They had a right to think and do as they wished.

Turns out controlling tendencies can hide anywhere.

And most of the time (if not all the time) we don’t know we’re doing it.

The therapist went on to explain how relationships should work. She put three large couch pillows on the floor and stood on one of the outside cushions. She then had me stand on the other outside cushion so there was an empty cushion between us.

*Photo Credit: BillDamon, Creative Commons

“This is my pillow” she said, “and that is yours. This is my life and that is yours. The pillow in the middle represents our relationship. So, my responsibility is all about the pillow I’m standing on and yours is about yours. Together, we are responsible for the relationship. But at no point should I be stepping on your pillow.”

What she meant by that was this:

I can’t change anybody. I can’t force them or guilt them or shame them into doing anything. All I can do is stay on my pillow and ask myself whether or not I like the relationship. If I don’t, I can tell the other person what I want in a relationship and see if they want the same thing. If not, I move on, and so do they.

In marriage, of course, it’s much harder. You can’t just walk away. But in business relationships and friendships, and even in dating, the model works quite well.

I found the metaphor freeing, actually. No more wishing people would change or explaining “if they only did it this way we would be better friends.” Instead, I just say “this relationship doesn’t work” and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I’ve explained what I want in a relationship but the other person isn’t on board, no harm no foul.

It’s difficult in some relationships, I know, because sometimes you have to watch people destroy their lives, but that’s just the point. Their lives are theirs to destroy.

I found the principle to be true in business, too.

When somebody tries to sell a little too hard, they are on my pillow so I back off or set better boundaries. It’s also a great way to find and enter into relationships with clients. If they want what you’re selling, great, and if not, that’s also great. Business relationships work better when they’re natural and not forced and everybody stays on their pillow.

And in my spiritual life it’s the same. If somebody is giving me a guilt trip, they’re on my pillow. I believe much of evangelicalism is influenced by leaders who don’t realize they are standing all over their congregation’s pillows. Some leaders feel incredibly insecure unless they are managing the lives of everybody around them. Make no mistake, this isn’t strength, it’s incredible weakness. Just tell the truth, explain the consequences, and let people make their own decisions.

Here are a few ways to know whether you might be a controlling person:

You imagine a life in which somebody else was different, and indirectly try to affect their change.

You get angry when things aren’t going your way and you let people know it.

You can only be surrounded by people who are submissive to you.

You give the silent treatment to people you are angry with.

You are often tempted to show somebody the errors they don’t see in themselves.

What ways do you tend to step on other people’s pillows? Do you shame people (I’m guilty of that) or give them the silent treatment? How do you try to influence others without being direct or when their lives are none of your business?

Posted on Tuesday, November 5, 2013

You’re Not Alone

My heart had been coveting a friend’s marriage and how wonderful it would be to have such a life. And in that very moment, my Abba Father chased me down with His merciful love. I was prompted to open up His word. It landed on 1 Corinthians 7. It was as if God had lifted a veil, fresh eyes danced across the page and a new light was cast on Paul’s carefully crafted words.

26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

I learned there’s no use in wishing we were in a place other than where God has us. In fact, we should be glad that we are not consumed with the anxieties of the world, but only with the things that please the Lord. Men and women in relationships have divided interests, but those set aside have been given a privilege… of undivided devotion to God. The aim is to be firmly established in our hearts, under no necessity and having desire under control. In fact, Paul says it will be these who do ‘even better’.

Before you go thinking that I have concluded to never get married, let me say that I think it would be wonderful to have a God-appointed helpmate to wake up to and fall asleep with, as well as all the incredible parts in between. I’m a very passionate person and touch is my love language, of course I look forward to that day! But what I’ve learned is that there’s no use in seeking out a place God does not have for me right now. Paul reminds me that ‘right now’ is even better.

Under this conclusion, I carried on with my day and made a comment to a friend “I’ve accepted that God has me alone and I’m okay with it.” And just as I clipped the last syllable, words from the heavens reached down and cradled my heart. It was as if He was saying I see you. I understand. My love is here, forever and always.

I search for love, when the night came,
And it closed in, I was alone,
But you found me, where I was hiding,
And now I’ll never ever be the same,
It was the sweetest voice,
That called my name saying

You’re not alone, For I am here,
Let me wipe away your every fear,
My love I’ve never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I’m the one who’s loved you all your life,
All of your life

You cry your self to sleep, cause the hurt is real,
And the pain cuts deep, all hope seems lost,
With heartache your closest friend,
And everyone else long gone,
You’ve had to face the music on your own,
But there is a sweeter song that calls you home saying

You’re not alone, For I am here,
Let me wipe away your every tear,
My love I’ve never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I’m the one who’s loved you all your life,
All your life

Faithful and true, Forever,
Oh my love will carry you

You’re not alone, For I, I am here,
Let me wipe away your every fear
Oh yeah, My love I’ve never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
Your darkest night,
And I’m the one who’s loved you all your life,
All of your life.

(You’re Not Alone – Meredith Andrews)

I’ve never been closer to the Lord than right now, right here. And I don’t ever want to see that day where I’m further from Him than where we’re at today. If you find yourself thinking you’re ‘alone’, I pray God uses these words to speak a new message of love and hope to an aching soul.

Posted on Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Encouragement For The Ordinary

A few years ago, I moved into a one-bedroom apartment with my sister. While shopping for home accessories/necessities, we stumbled upon an aisle of white boards and my sister jokingly said ‘we should have a chore chart!’ In all seriousness, I thought the idea could alleviate arguments over cleaning responsibilities. So we picked one up.

When we got home and unwrapped the new chart, we found magnets to ‘star’ the chores completed, plus magnets to reward each other for doing a job well done. As silly as that may sound for two adult women, we created incentives like movies, manicures and massages. There was a rule though; one could not ‘star off’ their own chores or pat themselves on the back with ‘great job’ magnets and rewards… only the other person could cross off a chore on the chart when the job was noticed. And here’s what happened: Our little apartment was filled with so much encouragement, love and joy in just doing the ordinary. The simplest of tasks, like washing dishes, would not only get a star for completing the task, but also a ‘job well done’ reward! We both would rush home to see if the other noticed a chore and handed out a reward… ha ha, yes, I’m in my 30’s 😉 The encouragement only grew from there, as we would write messages every morning/night on the bathroom mirror to express our love and joy for each other.

I learned a very important lesson during this time in my life, that the ordinary counts when it comes to encouragement! So often we save uplifting words/acts for the things we deem ‘big and out-of-the-ordinary’ but what if we changed our view on the ordinary and saw them less as requirements and more like rewards? I think we’d experience just what my sister and I shared; an explosion of excitement and encouragement exuding from our hearts toward each other where we just couldn’t wait to lift one another up.

I will confess that I’m not very good at encouraging others. It’s been a struggle from the way I was raised and transcended into failed relationships. But realizing this key truth; whether your gift is encouraging others or not, we are all called to encourage. If you’re not great at encouraging, maybe this starts with recognizing all the ways God encourages us. By absorbing His encouragement we receive daily from the word and Spirit that lives inside our hearts, we may be filled with even more to give others. We all come from an encouraging Father and, created in His image, we should strive to be more encouraging to one another, even for the ordinary things.

Romans 15:2-6 We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.” Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled. May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Philippians 2:1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Posted on Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Break Off From The Burdens

I just started a new job and no sooner had my foot touched down in the office, I was piling on a to-do list and creating demands in my schedule. No one was asking for it; it was a voluntary reaction. Only by the grace of God, He revealed a truth to me before I repeated a mistake I’ve made in so many positions prior.

I think we can get comfortable with bearing burdens after awhile and even learn to like it. We carry a heavy weight of demands on our shoulders for so long that when it’s lifted, we get the sense that something is missing. There’s this inner dialogue that says ‘if I’m not weary, I must not be working hard or doing enough’. The ‘lightness’ in our labor or load makes us feel more like we’re lost. Our tendency then is to create or take on burdens so that we feel comfortable again with the choking weightiness of a yoke that infringes on this freedom.

The devil shouts with accusations, fabricating fear by calling freedom a ‘sluggard’ or ‘lazy’. But God’s word calls it something else: “Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear?” (Acts 15:10) Throughout scripture, putting on a yoke is used to punish a person and enslave lives, even if we’re doing it to ourselves.

God’s desire is repeated throughout the book “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30) He’s a God who gives us rest in our work. God doesn’t desire demands on our life, but a weightlessness, a buoyancy and freedom to enjoy the days He delivers. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1) Slavery to sin, slavery to undo demands and slavery to any other God, even the ‘God of work’.

At one time I associated ‘demands and creating work’ with ‘success, growth and getting ahead’ but now I see it was only keeping me from experiencing a fuller freedom and joy in Christ. What a lovely concept when my heart is light, there’s room for relationships. When my life is free, I have margin and peace to embrace the big and small ‘interruptions’. So while I may not be seeking out more pressure in my day, truth is, my heart is free enough to perform better with what God gives me.

Trisha Keehn

Living in the midst of gravity and grace. Biblical perspective for when life doesn't make sense.

Tag Archives: relationships