I have been through very tumultous experiences learning to love people over the years. I emphasize learning to love because I’ve been hurt deeply by those closest to me. Isn’t that the price you pay with love though? Those are always the deepest hurts because you opened your heart to love them in the deepest of places. So hurt comes with the territory of love. But I’m not here to focus on the hurt, even while still in the midst of turmoil. I want to tell you what I’m doing about it.

I’m determined to have love in my life. So I’m pouring every last drop of me out of this body and into every last person I know. I have a very strong nature of loving everything– well, most things (I don’t love snakes and spiders)– so this isn’t a 180 from my character. When I wake up in the morning I ask myself, what can I do to love someone today. I pick a person in my life and I find out what I can do to help them. Sometimes its just listening to their day, sometimes financial, sometimes I send a card or video or picture. This gives me something to look forward to every day. I’ve exhausted myself thinking about how I can help myself and I think most of the time I find the answer to my problems when I don’t focus on me, but when the attention is on someone else.

Something else I’ve been working on, salvaging what I have and writing the greatest love story I can with what my life has yet to hold. In scripture, I think one of the greatest love stories is told when God says he thought about us, loved us and knew us long before we were formed. Wow. He thought about me that much to know me and love me before I even existed!? A rush of giddyness sweeps over me and my heart melts when I think about that. This is what I would like to give to my future. To my children, to my husband. They already have God’s love, I want to give them mine as well. One day, I will tell them I had been preparing for you, praying for you, thinking of you long before you entered my life.

Sounds like a daydream? I’ve already started. For the last year or so, I’ve been very open to talk about my future with family and friends. When I’m at the gym, I think about the family I will one day have. I want to be strong and full of energy for them. I’ve switched my meals over to a very nutritious diet, I want to be bring healthy habits to the table. When I grocery shop, I think about my future. Healthy, thought-out choices now will make for a well-built future.

I’ve even started to save things for my children; things of mine I would otherwise throw out, but when I think about my children, I keep for them. I love to write and tell stories. In the last couple years, I’ve started two writings that I perceive to one day be books for my family. I don’t intend to publish them, I just wanted to write my stories for the future as another piece to my greatest love story. I’ve always been a future thinker and I like having plans. But I also like to see results. So I thought about what this does for me today. What I think it gives me today is joy and an exhilarating love, just to think about my family and what I have to look forward to. It makes my days exciting on a personal level. I’m writing my love story that’s building to great proportions for some really great people.