This place where I am, in my mind, is a very treacherous place. If the enemy were to attack with grandiose measures, you would be able to see the devastation in front of your eyes. But that would not be sneaky at all.

Satan thrives on being clever so that others can draw some conclusion that you must be crazy. He’s a constant drip of nuances that collect and cloud the heart until it becomes too much to bear and we finally explode. “Ah ha!” he says, “I knew you didn’t have the self-control to hold that all in. I knew I could break you.”

At this point, I collapse in a pile of tears, confessing that in fact this prowling lion has me trapped under his pounce. How did I get here? Yesterday, I was focused, studying and in deep worship on the path of God and today I’m in a place of desperation.

Ah, but that kind of praise is exactly what was stirring hell. Satan could not stand it anymore. He’s been waiting in the bush and found an opportunity. I’ve been whispering my praise and declaring God’s truths in a tone suitable for living in a duplex, next door to neighbors who just became new parents.

I dug my heels in and pointed at the devil, ‘you. Me. Outside right now! We will not do this here.’ I grabbed my things for work and drove to a wide open space where no one was around. I started to shout; it got ugly. Not my proudest moment of elegance or grace, but Satan needed reminding of his place, under the grip of my big God.

The devil must have forgotten Jesus defeated death and is on the throne, so with all the grit in me, I boldly gave every reminder that was buried in my heart from scripture.

Then it got personal. The devil asked if one day I’d also shout at my children or husband like this. Satan knows this is a sore spot with me. I come from a family of shouting matches and it’s always been a concern that I too would subject my own family to this kind of behavior.

I felt guilty. For maybe 5 seconds. Then my mind stood up and said, ‘no! Because I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers and rulers of darkness in this world! I will take you outside at that time too, if ever such a moment should come.’

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. 

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:8-11

The enemy shall not get the best of me! My Savior is holding onto this heart, regardless if I can feel His Spirit or not. Everything in me stands on the Rock of Truth, even when the enemy thinks I’m weak.

When the pressure is on, it’s time to press into God a little more. I turned my worship music up a little louder. My knees got a little lower. I cried out in praise to God a little longer.

I’m giving you my story of shame and triumph, in hopes that you’ll be encouraged that we’re all in this together.

We stand in this battle together.

Guard your mind! Know the Truth.