I just returned from a wonderful trip home to spend with my family. There was a high school graduation and a bridal shower. I had so much fun planning the festivities, designing and decorating the events and enjoying the company of loved ones. And although I ended up sick, due to being overworked, I really wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’m the big sister. I’ve got a title to live up to and a ‘right of passage’ to exercise. I’ve always treasured my sisters, their relationship with each other and the growth inside themselves individually. It’s been such an awesome journey to watch them grow up and be a part of their hearts. And from what I hear, it only gets better as they grow older. I’ve been told the relationships really start to depend on each other as people reach the same stages in life. I’m really looking forward to that.

There is a sad and dangerous little game we play when we get to be a certain age. It is a form of solitaire. We look back through old photographs of people we knew best and recall the days, all those years ago. We think about all the exciting, crazy, wonderfully characteristic things they used to be interested in and about the kind of dreams we had for them. Then we think about what those people are actually doing with their lives, what we are doing with them now five or ten years later. I make no claim that the game is always sad or that when it seems to be sad our judgment is always right, but once or twice when I have played it myself, sadness has been a large part of what I have felt. Because in my photographs, there were people who had a real flair, a real talent, for something. Maybe it was for writing or singing or sports. Maybe it was an interest and a joy in working with people toward some common goal, a sense of responsibility for people who in some way had less or were less. Sometimes it was just their capacity for being so alive that made me more alive to be with them. Yet now, a good many years later, I have the feeling that more than just a few of them are spending their lives at work in which none of these gifts is being used, at work they seem to be working at with neither much pleasure nor any sense of accomplishment. This is the sadness of the game, and the danger of it is that maybe we find that in some measure we are among them or that we are too blind to see that we are. *adapted

Another Christmas has come and gone…it was the cherry to top off the past; sharing time with lots of family, singing christmas carols by the fire, enjoying treats that go way past caloric guidelines. And now… The chocolate drizzle over the cherry, flying high over the world next to two senior citizens… Sipping on champagne and sharing about the days gone by. What a way to go out. I set myself up for a good 2009 with trips and leisure hobby seminars to get out to 6 months from now. The future is looking bright for 2009 my friends.

Music. Its so powerful. If you’re succeptible to good music, you too have been overpowered by the emotion behind it. It’s kind of neat though that as you listen to someone else tell a story to melody, you suddenly feel in company. Like someone else understands. It almost makes everything a good thing that you experience because someone else gets it too. And then there’s those songs that some people believe were written just for them… about them… to them. Ah… music is a pretty awesome creation God made. And I’m glad he gave me a slice of appreciation for it. As I’m listening to a tune now… I can relate to where it’s going. This happens quite a bit where I hear what someone else is saying and can relate… with just a few minor changes to the verbage… we are singing the same tune. And suddenly I don’t feel alone. I’ve learned that no matter where you go in life… music can bring you right back. If you’re like me… I hear the music and all of a sudden I can smell and taste and touch it all in one note. That’s power!

If you’re reading this… there’s a good chance I’m missing you right at this exact moment. It has been a rocky four and a half years since I left my Iowa roots. And I have found that starting over isn’t as easy done as it was to roll off the tongue. My mind envisioned and my heart prayed for an exciting, carefree beginning, full of dignity, growth and joy. What I didn’t think about was this: to feel joy, you have to know what sorrow is and to experience growth, you have to fail in order to learn.

Today, I have a great church, a great job and plenty of great people that I’ve met in this new place. But what I miss is the seasons, the sites and simplicity of midwest living. I miss the family I formed 23 years of memories on and friends that I shared life with. I have carried these relationships with me, but as time has passed, those memories are becoming more distant… in fact, they are starting to fade.

That’s just sad. So I’m trying to keep those valued friendships alive through Facebook. And you know what, it’s kind of working! I get to see photos posted everyday from my friends who have now gone on to form families. It’s like these fond relationships have been rekindled. And I love that so many people I’ve lost touch with are seeking me out. It’s like I won the lottery! It means they’re still thinking of me and haven’t forgotten. Now, whenever I’m having a bad day and just need an old friend’s ear, I can log on and rely on their response to get me through, just like the good ole days.

Stuck in the mud. That’s how I feel sometimes when I don’t feel like ‘things’ are happening. A constant, contentment. It makes me feel like I’m planted. Ack. For a while, I had adopted a new attitude in my present situation and was enjoying the state of pleasantville; however, sitting still was difficult. I found myself wishing for a mud pie movement. And then the bomb hit. My husband lost his job. While I never intended for my husband to lose his job, it instills hope in me that this could be our opportunity out. All of a sudden, the skies opened up and it seemed the wiggle room was endless… unless, there’s nowhere to go.

And that’s where we’ve found ourselves. With all the daydreamed possibilities, it seems for now that’s all they will remain. In this, I am reminded that God can give us the desires of our heart, but if its not in his timing, all other possibilities will remain unlined.

So, is this merely a daydreamed opportunity or the one written in God’s Will that will finally create movement in our mud pie?