Last night was the memorial service for my friend. I wasn’t particularly close with her, but was more of a casual acquaintance that went beyond hello, goodbye and how are you. While sitting in the pew during the service, my eye caught the heads of several friends who had flown in to pay their respects and I got to thinking… people will fly thousands of miles for probably thousands of dollars in a moments notice to share in the celebration of a life that has already passed. Many in that room probably reorganized their day to make sure they were there to celebrate this life that is now gone. Why do we all wait until someone has passed… to drop our schedules and celebrate a life? What happened to celebrating a life with this same sort of commitment while the person is still alive? Like birthdays. That is the day you celebrate a life and yet many times we settle for a quick ‘happy birthday’ text or ‘facebook’ message.

I think about a couple weeks ago the news was announcing a celebrity’s passing… Cory Haim. I didn’t really follow him, but I’ve seen a movie or two he starred in. He took his own life and after his death several people started to speak out about what a great guy Cory Haim was and how tragic the loss of his life is to many. And someone made the comment, if Cory could have heard all these comments when he was alive, maybe that would have saved him.– It’s true. Where were all these friends of Cory when he needed them? And why weren’t they embracing their friendship with by speaking these very words while he was alive? If he could have heard… maybe…

So I think back to my friend and I recall a blog she once wrote stating she didn’t think there was anything special about her. And yet, after her passing, people are coming out of the woodwork to share their adoration of her kind words, smile and heart. Did these people tell her these things when she was alive? Perhaps she wouldn’t have thought there was nothing special about her because from the sounds of her memorial, she was one of the most gifted women who walked this planet.

All this makes me say to myself… so what I have a learned? I’ve learned you can’t wait until people die to tell them how you really feel. — And of all people, I would have thought I had this down… but not as much as I’d like. While people are still living, we should be celebrating life! Why wait until they have died to celebrate what has passed? And when I say celebrate, I mean, more than a ‘happy birthday’… how about a ‘you are so incredible to me. the way you intently listen to my struggles and offer wise advice. I look up to you and really look forward to our conversations. I really admire how you juggle a family, work and still have time for me. I thank god for creating the beautiful person you are today. God has blessed me with you and I hope he continues to bless others with your life.’ Can you imagine how special… how elated… how full of life this would make someone feel? I typed that with a specific person in mind but I can think of several things I could say to each of my friends that rank right up there with those words.

Eight or nine years ago, I started keeping a calendar of all my friend’s birthdays. Each new person I meet, I get their birthday so I can put it in my calendar. Most aren’t aware but it’s so I can pray for each person on his/her birthday. I don’t think of every one of my friends once a day or once a week or even once a month. There’s so many people and too much going in my day to day routines. But I figure if I can think of this person and intently pray for him/her at least once a year, I feel like a better friend. As you can imagine, over eight years those names have taken up almost everyday of my calendar year– I have a lot of friends! So now, I’m going to take this one step further… not just a ‘happy birthday’ shout out and a secret prayer for my friends… I’m going to really let them know on that day how they make me feel and why I find this person to be so special.